Figuring Out The Details

Five years after that first date.

2012-02-13T01:17:00.002-05:00

Five years ago and one day ago, El Hub and I went on our first date.

It is kind of surreal. Five years seems so long, but then I realize that, health and hard work and luck permitting, we may be together for another 50.

At dinner - in our kitchen, next to our baby who was gleefully throwing food on the floor and aboutthisclose to a meltdown because of shoddy naps - El Hub gave me daps for completing his five year plan of getting married, having a house, and raising a baby.

On that first date, neither of us had any idea where it would be going. I honestly do not think either of us would have ever guessed it would be here. (Okay, that makes us sound like pessimists. Which, El Hub kind of is, but he calls it being a realist. SEMANTICS. But seriously, we were [and are] not the type of people who going into a new relationship thinking this will be the ONE! My ONLY! My twue wuv!)

(You think I am joking? This is what I wrote in my journal after the date - "Yes, I went on a date. It didn't suck. I call that progress. He likes to hit the snooze button on his alarm a lot. He doesn't like to talk on the phone.")

We appreciated the little things that night, like the snooze button being awesome and the telephone being lame. On that date, we didn't get to the big stuff that make relationships tick for years to come - the topics like health, communication, religion, intimacy, money, kids that can all make or break relationships.

That is what we have spent the past five years exploring. And that is what I hope we will spend the next 50 years exploring. The energy, time, and love we have put into our relationship in the past five years has brought us to an amazing place. I want to see where else we can go.

Photos by Hollie at Soleil Photography

Eleven months.

2012-02-05T21:34:00.001-05:00

Dear kiddo,

This picture epitomizes you this past month: on the go. You have places to go and you are going to figure out a way to get there.

I admit it, I intentionally procrastinated on writing your letter this month. My heart aches to think of how quickly you are growing up, and how much I am afraid I may have missed while washing bottles or running errands. Writing this letter is a way of saying goodbye to not only the past month, but all those that came before it; next month, you will be a year old. We won't just be counting in months anymore, and that is a pretty big deal to your momma. And I just did not want to say goodbye to this month yet.

For you, your birthday will be less emotionally charged and more about crawling and cruising and babbling and throwing food. Or at least, that is what you have been working on this past month. We have dropped down to four bottles a day, and I am trying to steel myself for the transition from bottles to straw cups. Feeding you has been the greatest struggle since the day you were born, and we have only just gotten to a place where you seem to enjoy your bottles. But yeah, we'll totally be ripping those away from you because your parents have had very bad experiences with very bad teeth and are choosing to listen to the pediatrician and pediatric dentist on this one. Sorry!

But no worries, you have other joys in your life. You seem to enjoy your daddy and I quite a lot, and all of the friends I have been fortunate to make in the past several months. You are not too impressed with their babies yet, although you do occasionally give them kisses. I imagine that you will become more friendly whenever you hit that developmental milestone of actually playing WITH babies instead of just crawling over them. Strangers are a bit trickier - if someone employs a goofy voice or clicks their tongue, you're sold. Otherwise, you give them the stink-eye.

You also enjoy your many toys (did we mention you were spoiled at Christmas?), and your loveys we give to you at your naps. Putting toys back in their container is something you recently learned how to do, and I have high hopes that we can keep up that momentum until you can actually help us put away all your toys every day. Then I will teach you that washing dishes and folding laundry is fun, and my diabolical plan will be complete.

Two new skills that bring you joy began a few weeks ago: crawling on all fours and cruising the furniture. Go you! (Please don't walk anytime soon!) You rock that super fast crawling! (Please don't walk anytime soon!) You hold on to that coffee table as you cruise your way around it! (Please don't walk anytime soon!)

You are also mimicking us a lot more. Giving kisses on command is something you mastered a long time ago, but now you are trying to blow kisses to us. You point. You "chat" with us in your nonsensical babble. When we open our mouths, you open yours. (Or, you take it as an invitation to stick your fingers in our mouths. Depends on your mood, apparently.)

So my darling boy, I want you to know I love you so much. As I said, it has begun to hit me that you are really and truly on your way to being a toddler. Although I admit part of me is sad, I want you to know that the rest of me is elated. You amaze me. Pride, relief, and joy are what I experience when I watch you be you.

Keep being you,

Momma

Arriving at peace with the things we lose.

2012-01-28T00:55:00.000-05:00

Since I posted about losing my pendant a few months ago, I have been touched by all the people who inquired about how I was doing and how my hunt was going. You guys. Thank you. Seriously, for such a rough ride, it has truly been comforting to have people let me know they cared about something I was afraid people would find so materialistic and inconsequential. The stories people shared with me about their own touchstones and the things they've lost over the years will be carried in my heart.

My original relic pendant, photo taken several years ago.

As for my own journey, it has had its ups and downs. After I wrote the original post about losing the Padre Pio relic, I tried to brainstorm ideas that would help me cope with this thing I was not only grieving for, but felt embarrassed to be grieving for. I scoured the internet, set up all sorts of Google alerts and eBay alerts, contacted vintage jewelry and religious medal dealers. I genuinely feel I reached the end of the internet, which was both disappointing and weird.

(I thought the end of the internet would be like the end of the rainbow, only instead of a pot of gold it would probably have ended at 4chan. [If you know what 4chan is, I'm sorry. (If you DON'T know what 4chan is, don't google it. [Seriously, don't. (OMG, WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?)])]).

In the beginning I only ever did find the two mates I mentioned, one belonging to the blogger who found one at a flea market last year and one on the "Sold" section of an obscure vintage jewelry website. I never heard back from the latter, but the former turned out to be a sweetheart who pitied my plight. She was even open to potentially taking her relic to a local jeweler if I was able to find one skilled enough to replicate it without harming the original.

El Hub was amazing during this time. Making a replica was even his idea, the smartie pants. And man oh man, he didn't even blink when I came to him after a few days and announced I thought I wanted to get a tattoo of my relic. He LOATHES tattoos, and his response was for me to do what I needed to do. Guys, that's HUGE. And back off, he's mine, I'm keeping him.

So I started researching tattoos alongside jewelers up where the blogger lives. The National Centre for Padre Pio was the only organization to even recognize the medal I was referring to, but said they had not seen one in several years. They even had their employees search their desks in case one was hidden away. It made sense since I received mine about 15 years ago, but it was still a blow to hear.

Then the next day I received another call from them, absolutely elated to tell me that the President of their organization searched his desk...and FOUND one. I was blown away. I squealed, I cried. The timing was amazing because I was on my way to a doctor's appointment, and it would have been the first one in 15 years that I hadn't worn my medal to. Call me superstitious, but that phone call made me feel like it was with me, in a way.

So they mailed it to me. I eagerly anticipated its arrival, checked the mail every day like a little kid waiting for birthday presents from distant relatives. It arrived...

Someday, when I win the lottery, I'll get a macro lens. Until then, suffer my blurry faux-close-up photos.

...and it wasn't a match. It was incredibly similar - the image of Padre Pio on the one side is essentially the same, and the relic side (pictured) has a starburst effect of lines radiating out from the center. But instead of saying "relic," it has the date of Padre Pio's 1999 beatification, which makes it several years newer than my original pendant.

It was a letdown initially. I wore it, but it wasn't the same. But I knew going into my search for a replacement that any I found wouldn't be the original. It wouldn't be the one my mother gave me, the one that accompanied me on days of uncertainty, the one I pinned inside my wedding dress, the one I wore while I gave birth to my son. So I decided to make peace with the new one. To give it another 15 years, and by then I will probably feel similarly about it as I did about my original. Give it time to have a history.

Until...

MINE.

...a match showed up on eBay. A relic like my original relic. I thought about how much we had been willing to budget on a replica of the blogger's pendant, and decided to allocate that much money to bidding on an actual original as opposed to a copy. And it's a good thing I did, because someone had to nerve to bid against me. BACK OFF, ANONYMOUS EBAY BIDDER. IT'S MINE.

And it is mine. But when it arrived in the mail, here is the thing that surprised me, the thing I am grateful for - I didn't feel the burning need for it. The intensity of my grieving in the beginning was less raw now. Over the past few months, I had worked hard to begin healing, in my actions and my thoughts. And it was working. Am I grateful to have this relic? Yes. Again, give me another 15 years, and I imagine I will feel as strongly about this one as I did my first one. But I am also grateful for the lessons losing my touchstone has taught me.

The lesson I have learned from this is that I am stubborn. Oh wait, that's not a lesson, I totally knew that. Okay, so the lesson I have learned from this is that it is possible to carry a touchstone in your heart, even when it is no longer in your hands. For me, in order to find that find peace, I had to overcome the obstacles of putting in the work, and feeling content that I searched exhaustively before arriving at that place. Even if I had never found similar relics, I am convinced I would have reached peace from knowing I did everything I could. No one can ever take away the memories.

So that's my story. I started out with one relic, then none, and now two. I was sad, I was determined, and I am at peace. People who know me and people who don't know me cared enough about my story to speak to me about it, to search for me, and to brainstorm with me. Thank you.

Some things are genetic.

2012-01-23T23:05:00.003-05:00

I showed El Hub this photo saying this is my new favorite photo of George, and he exclaimed, "THAT'S YOUR BITCHFACE."

Sorry for the profanity. Let us blame El Hub. In case you have never heard of it before, check out this handy-dandy illustration of life with this unfortunate condition.

Story of my life. People think I'm in a bad mood or angry when really, THAT'S JUST MY FACE. Poor George is in for future of annoying people asking him why he's so upset or sad when he is probably thinking about cupcakes or what book he would like to read next.

2012 Disney Family Fiesta 5k.

2012-01-10T21:43:00.001-05:00

On Friday, I ran my first 5k race. And I cried when I got to the finish line. I really needed to finish that race, and I am beyond grateful that I did.

My body and I do not have the best relationship. As much as part of me would love to be a bare-it-all blogger when it comes to health issues, I am just not there yet. If I ever met Dooce or the Bloggess, I would high five them for helping to pave the way for other folks to speak more freely about mental illness, but there aren't many well known champions for chronic illness of the physical variety. Or...any that I can think of, actually. Health issues are viewed as weakness. And I admit, I do not like to be viewed as weak.

I am guilty of this perspective. It's not fun (or healthy or productive) to view yourself as weak. Which is why for the past several years I have seized control of the parts of my life that I can, exercising regularly and challenging my body to take on new activities. I experience a high when I think about how much more deeply I can now go into most yoga poses, how much higher an intensity I can work out on the elliptical, and how much more I can run around in my daily life because I have built up strength and stamina through working out.

Be smart when working out. Get cleared by your doctor first, get fitted for proper running shoes (Orlando folks, I recommend you go to Track Shack, those guys always fit me in the most comfy of shoes) or whatever gear you might need for your ~~poison~~ exercise of choice.

And then I popped out a baby and lost my ability to go to the gym whenever I wanted to exercise. Running is something I had tried in the past, but it was never the best fit for me...and I found it boring to boot. But thanks to a jogging stroller my mother picked up at a garage sale, it was now my best bet at exercising while easily keeping the kiddo entertained.

Back when I completed week 1 of Couch to 5k. My running buddy slept most of the way.

Back in August, I started the Couch to 5k running plan. In the past, I had always stalled out around week five of this program, either from health issues, boredom, or a combination of both. I knew I needed a motivator to keep me persevering past that point, and the fitness blogs I keep up with were always extolling the virtues of racing. The cheering crowds! The pressure to keep up with the runners around! The scenic views! The support of the volunteers, water stops, and safe places to run! The money you have to pay to sign up that has you telling yourself, YOU BETTER RUN THAT RACE SO YOU'RE NOT OUT FIFTY BUCKS!

The 2012 Disney Family Fiesta 5k is the one I decided to sign up for (hi, have we met? I'm a Disney nut. Can't think of a better motivator for me than the chance to run through Epcot.). I expected my training to go more slowly than the nine weeks they say it takes to go from couch to 30 straight minutes of running, so I wanted the buffer of extra training time. And boy oh boy, did I need it. I essentially never progressed beyond day one of week five, which involves five minutes of running followed by three minutes of walking.

Obstacles are not unfamiliar to me. When coming up against one, it is necessary to decide if it is one to scale or one to walk around. Once I came to terms with not scaling this one since jogging longer than five minutes at a time wouldn't get me 5k-ready in time for Disney, I changed my training to increase the number of five minute intervals I could do. Walking around this obstacle would take longer, but it would get me much closer to my ultimate goal of crossing the finish line.

And it worked. I ran my first non-race 5k at the end of November. I was positively giddy, and I came straight home to give El Hub a sweaty hug. That was when I knew I had a shot at actually achieving this goal of mine.

Golf claps to me for not falling off the still moving treadmill while taking this photo. Apparently I have decidedly less physical common sense when giddy.

It was still a bumpy road. The latest stumbling block was so inane, a simple cold. But if the timing had been one week later, I would NOT have run this 5k. Thumbs up to folks who can run with a hacking cough and without the ability to breathe through their nose, but I am not one of them.

My running buddy would be sleeping in on race day, but being the sweetheart that George is, he went with me to pick up my racing packet.

El Hub did NOT sleep in, and instead hung out in the cold to give me a proper send-off and await my very first finish line crossing.

The three Caballeros are my favorite Disney characters after Figment. And this race? Was at Epcot, home of Figment. It could not be more perfect.

Well...it could have been an hour later. That would have been a nice touch.

According to my running app, it took me 46 minutes, which was about what I trained for since Disney requires a 16 minute mile or faster. I had 46 minutes to think.

I thought about all the training I did. I thought about El Hub at the finish line. I thought about how I want George to grow up feeling that exercise is fun and freeing and empowering. I thought about my body and how I wanted to own it.

The stars aligned. My training paid off.

I ran my first 5k. No one, not even my own health, can ever take that away from me.

Ten months.

2012-01-03T20:17:00.005-05:00

Dear Stranger,

Hey you. Yeah, you. Is your name George? I think maybe I knew you way back when, during a time when you were immobile and fairly quiet and had strong opinions but only about one or two things as opposed to, oh, EVERYTHING. It's those eyes of yours, that smile, that laugh too - they remind me of that baby I used to know.

We have moved into double digits. You are now ten months old. I so badly want to be snarky about this, but I am too awed (and tired). Your energy output is amazing to witness. You just do not stop moving. The need for babies to nap makes total sense to me now, because moving around this much and this fast requires recharging the batteries frequently.

Ninja teeth continue to pop through in your mouth. One day your dad and I were going, GAH WHY SO CRANKY GEORGE so for funsies, we felt around in your mouth (parents like to blame all crankiness on teething. It makes us feel inexplicably better to be able to name a baby's unnameable suffering). We felt not just one, but two new teeth. That brings you up to a total of six, with two on the top and four on the bottom.

That mouth has purposes other than sprouting teeth, of course. We think maaaaaybe you have a first word. In your nursery, your daddy likes to walk you around, pointing to objects while telling you their names. There is a stuffed duck on the armoire, and a painting of Donald Duck on the wall. Your daddy pointed to the painting while saying, "Duck." You then pointed to the stuffed animal, and said, "Duh." Which is different than your usual, which is "Dadadadadadadada." You have done it a couple of times since then, but not consistently. So. Maybe. Verdict's out.

The movement of your body fascinates you, and for good reason. You figured out how to do so much with your body this month. You started pulling up on us, on furniture, on the side of the tub, on anything you could get your hands on. In the beginning you preferred cupping your little hands in ours, to get a good grip before trusting your legs to lift and hold you. But you quickly branched out, and now you can pull up on the slippery metal of Baby Gate Jail (as we affectionately call the gate that keeps you out of the Kitchen of Doom and in the Living Room of Toy Explosions).

You also very gradually figured out how to sit up on your own. The first time you did it, you were having post-bath nekkid time hanging out on the living room floor, and your dad and I were sitting on the couch watching you exert that last bit of energy for the day. We held our breath as we watched your hips slo-o-o-owly move to the side in just the way they needed for you to sit up. We applauded you when you succeeded. In that moment I thought, man, this is why people have kids.

We had two more first holidays this past month, and one was the biggie - Christmas. Our first Christmas at our own home, and with a baby to boot, so thank you for helping us break in the house. New Year's Eve was thankfully not too exciting for you, despite our neighbors' partying (cue crotchety new parent complaints about how DARE people party while MAH BABY! is trying to sleep). You loved every minute of the past few weeks, in part because there were so many people around to shower you with love. Your daddy had a couple weeks off of work, your cousin Michelle stayed with us for the week before Christmas, and Momma's Super Awesome Friend Kelly was here the week after. As long as you got your quiet time for bottles and naps, this was the ideal life for you. Now everyone has gone back home and back to their offices, so it's just you and me, kid. Starting out a new year.

Love you, Butternut.

Momma

Goodbye and hello.

2012-01-01T01:16:00.005-05:00

Goodbye, 2011.

Time to put together my 2011 album as part of my annual tradition. I just need to narrow down my favorite photos from more than 600 down to 240... Wish me luck.

It has been quite the year - the year of George, to go by the collage. But there have been so many other parts I have not been able to photograph or willing to write, and those parts I am ready to kiss goodbye. This year, I am seeking a healthier and stronger year, for myself and my loved ones.

Hello, 2012.

George's first Christmas.

2011-12-29T23:20:00.011-05:00

Dude.

I love the word "dude." Depending on the intonation you put on it, it can convey so many meanings. But that only works well verbally, so allow me to expand on my use of the word here in writing. Duuuuuuuude. Picture a little dual eyebrow raising and a little exhale through rounded lips with a little upturn at the corners.

If this was baby's first Christmas, how crazy is it going to be in future years? Our living room needs to be bigger, is what I am saying. And I need to not be nursing a cold at future holidays. And my neighbors need to not throw a party until 4 a.m. on Christmas morning.

But we can totally repeat doing Christmas at our house. This was our first year ever getting to enjoy the holiday in the home where we have been building our family for the past few years, thanks to my generous mother-in-law for cooking the meal. This was also our first year celebrating with both sides of the family in the same place.

And of course, it was our first year with George. Nine and a half months old. Crawling, but not walking. Just beginning to pull up. Capable of ripping off one piece of wrapping paper which then becomes the toy rather than the actual gift we are trying to get him to unwrap. Loves everybody and everything. In other words, the optimal age I would pick for baby's first Christmas (because I have SO. MUCH. EXPERIENCE! with babies at holidays. We've had, like, three whole holidays with him since he was born! Hire me for consultation on planning the timing of your conception/adoption/stork visit!).

We spent Christmas Eve at my parents' house, hanging out with my eldest nieces before they headed back home to do their own holidays.

We learned wrapping paper is awesome.

Like, really awesome.

We were reminded what suckers we are for a cute baby.

I ~~suckered people into taking photos~~ rejoiced in the kindness of my dear family for taking photos of me with my baby.

I really ran with that generosity and dragged El Hub in the action.

We pretended we are a Norman Rockwell painting (I doubt my skirt would fly in that time period, though).

Rob and I laughed really, really hard about inappropriate things. Seriously. Some things don't belong on the internet.

My nieces got in on the portrait-with-George action.

I am related to such pretty people. Don't you want to be able to pull off a bob like that?

We do over-accessorize sometimes, though. But it is so fun.

George unwrapped his first ever Christmas present, courtesy of his Mammaw. I am going to call my mother when he figures out how to make that thing laugh maniacally, and I am going to make her listen to it. Every day. And then she is going to stop taking my calls, and I will suffer alone until I wise up and take the batteries out. Also, I am totally in love with George's distal pointing in this photo. Go, George's developmental milestones, go!

The girls decorated George. I think they wanted me to have a girl.

The evening was a pretty good warm-up for the actual Christmas day. It was nice to know that George could kinda-sorta-in-a-way rip off wrapping paper, since we learned way back at the baby shower that it feels kind of strange to have everyone stare at you while you open baby gifts. Please stare at this beautiful baby I birthed instead, thank you.

George's first gift? From his Nana, his very first Christmas ornament, all the way from London. Take my word that it's a silver metal teddy bear, and what you are looking at is George very intently inspecting the bear's butt. Babies are weird.

Do you see what I mean about the size of our living room? The big box on the right ended up being a PlasmaCar, which I confess El Hub has had more fun with than George so far. (Go. Go read the reviews. You will want one.)

Holiday Decorating Tip: I decorated our tree with the holiday cards we received from our friends and family. I wanted a free, baby-safe alternative to our existing ornaments with metal hooks since our cats love knocking stuff out of the tree. The result was colorful and cheery and reminded me how lucky we are to have such wonderful people in our lives.

Suckered someone else into taking photos of me and the butternut.

We ate. So much. My family raved about my mother-in-law's cooking.

A kiddie table! In our house! Seriously, our house feels that much more like a home after this Christmas.

Gift unwrapping in action.

More gift unwrapping.

And toy playing.

And game playing.

And cleaning up.

So. Dude. Dude. I loved it. It was awesome. I can only imagine how much more fun it will become in the future as George grows and he "gets" it more. But give me about a year to recover before the next one, okay? The living room especially, it still looks like a toy bomb hit it.

(Shhhh, don't remind me that George's first birthday is in a few months.)

Happy holidays, from us to you.

2011-12-25T00:58:00.001-05:00

I have seen this concept everywhere lately (cough cough, Pinterest and Facebook), and I thought it would be an interesting lighting challenge. Especially with a nine-month-old who doesn't like to sit still. I think I'll try again tomorrow night, shooting in manual as opposed to aperture priority. George and I had fun though, and that was the goal.

Happy belated birthday, Dad.

2011-12-22T23:26:00.004-05:00

Don't worry. I totally wished my dad a happy birthday on his actual birthday a couple of days ago. I even let him snuggle with George, THAT is how wonderful and gracious a daughter I am. Snuggling with George is like frolicking through a field of daisies without suffering from seasonal allergies, in case you were wondering how well my son snuggles.

I have a goal. Over the next year, I would like to make time to sit down with my dad and listen to his stories. He has told me so many over the years, about where he grew up in New Jersey, his time in the Marines, what it was like to travel the world as a hotshot Vice-President of Marketing for a cutting edge computer company, what life has been like since his strokes and marrying my mom in the seventies. I want to not only listen to his stories, but to write them down.

Life has had its moments with my dad, and as a result he does not have many material objects from his life prior to his late thirties. It makes me want to talk to him even more about the few items we do have, to hear their background and learn about their importance to him. So maybe I will be taking a few photos as well.

When I was growing up, my dad was always and without fail interested in my day. How was school? How was that one test I was dreading? Did I have more thoughts on what I wanted to major in when I went to college? (I'm pretty sure he started asking me that one when I was about seven. My parents' strategy: NEVER LET COLLEGE BE MERELY OPTION. It worked. Evidence: Graduate degree, aka they raised an overachiever.) We still talk on the phone almost every day of the week, and my dad knows more about my life than some of my friends' do. I think we are long overdue for me to do some listening.

Love you, Dad.

The eyes play tricks.

2011-12-19T09:42:00.007-05:00

El Hub decided to wake me up this morning by placing a thrashing baby whose nails badly need to be clipped in bed next to me. A few weeks ago, I asked him not to shave over the holidays (he usually only shaves on Mondays) so I can get to enjoy his beard, which he sadly dislikes growing out, especially while he is working.

Victoria: ...mmrrmmmm...
El Hub: Time to wake up!
George: *thrash*
Victoria: *mumble mumble* Mondays are stupid.
George: *flail*
Victoria: Did you at least not shave today?
El Hub: Oh, I totally shaved.
Victoria: NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo whyyyyyyyyy you're only working one day this week. *buries face in pillow to dramatically mourn a week's worth of facial hair growth*
George: *smash*
El Hub: You are so blind without your glasses. *grabs my hand, rubs it against his unshaven face*
Victoria: YAY!
El Hub: I also laughed at you but you couldn't see that either.
George: *bite*

I am okay with that. Well, the laughing at me. The biting, not so much a fan, especially now that kiddo has three teeth.

Nine months.

2011-12-02T22:06:00.000-05:00

Dear Mister George,

A big title for a big boy. And this was definitely a big month for you.

Your props this month are too eensy teensy to show up in this photo, but I promise, they are there - you have three little teeth in your mouth. The two bottom teeth showed up a few weeks ago, and then just today at your nine month pediatrician appointment, your dad noticed a third tooth poking through on the top. Ninja tooth! Or...we have become so accustomed to your constant teething behavior, we kind of gave up on actually expecting another tooth to pop through.

But your dad knew those top teeth were coming soon, thanks to some x-rays you had earlier this week when we were worried you might have swallowed Momma's pendant. You loved gnawing on that thing, and it is getting harder and harder to keep an eye on you these days.

Crawling is one of the reasons you are more wily now. You are surprisingly fast considering you are still army crawling rather than getting up on all fours. Instead of carrying you from room to room, I talk to you and encourage you to follow me. You are also super clingy as of late, so you happily follow me anywhere.

Smarts, you have them. This month you began consistently giving kisses when asked (either when we say "Kisses!" or making a "mwah!" sound), could play "How big is George? So big!" over FaceTime with your Mammaw, and even waved hello to someone for the first time. You have been clapping your hands for ages, and seem to understand that it should be done when something exciting happens.

You have outgrown a few items this month - your infant carrier car seat, your kitchen sink tub, and the highest setting on your crib mattress. Now you are in a convertible carrier, a duck tub in the real tub, and the lowest setting in the crib. You are growing in every way.

Another holiday has passed - Thanksgiving! Christmas isn't far behind. You went to two turkey dinners, but your particular meals were still our George-safe, dairy- and soy-free options. We have been experimenting with your bottles, trying to see if you will drink larger quantities less frequently so we have more time between them to work on solids. This is what you have taught me about babies - parents are constantly either trying to get them to eat or sleep.

Knock on wood, but you are a great little sleeper. We have been working on consistency with your naps for months, and finally finally finally there is predictability. You are awake two hours in the morning, three hours in the afternoon, and then a few hours in the evening until you go to bed at eight. I am more grateful than I can say. Those early months where you would stay awake for 12 hour stretches are behind us...for now.

You are growing up, kiddo. Someday you will be a child who legitimately stays up for 12 hours during the day without having epic meltdowns. When I look at your face, more and more I see the little boy you are becoming. I absolutely love getting to know you ever day. Thank you for letting me.

Love,

Missus Momma

The things we lose.

2011-11-27T11:04:00.007-05:00

I feel like I should write a disclaimer. That this is about losing an inanimate object. One that wouldn't mean much to anyone else, but that causes me to grieve.

My relic pendant is gone. It was a Padre Pio da Pietrelcina Capp religious medal, given to me many years before he was even canonized as a saint. I received it from my mother many years ago, after what was a frightening surgery for my then 13-year-old self, when the best way she could think to show me the depths of her feelings was to give me a little piece of her and her Catholic faith. I wore it to all the other surgeries, scary medical appointments, job interviews, important tests, and big moments when I wanted to remember faith and my mother's love. Years ago I wrote here about how it was my "something old" for our wedding, pinned into the lining of my dress. I later wrote again expanding on my feelings for the pendant, calling it a talisman. I wore it when I gave birth to George. I have worn it to all his scary medical appointments.

If my family was safe, it was the one thing I would have grabbed in a fire.

The relic on a past birthday.

I was wearing it while I was out, and it went missing while I was out. The clasp on my necklace wasn't even broken, just open. I have printed photos, offered rewards, sorted through trash (I hope whoever used that pregnancy test at Target wanted that negative result), crawled on the ground, and cried to store employees. We took George to the after-hours pediatrician, since he liked to chew on the pendant (as years of babies in my life have done), just to be certain he didn't swallow it. Thank Padre Pio, he did not.

The relic worn when I gave birth to George.

I scoured the internet last night for hours, trying to find one like it. In those hours of pouring over Google images, eBay, etsy, religious medal dealer websites, and thinking up different permutations of "Padre Pio medal" or "relic" or "charm," I only found one just like mine in two places. A blogger found one at a flea market last year and then turned it into part of a charm necklace commemorating, interestingly enough, her own mother. I sent her an e-mail before seeing the second post wondering if she would ever part with it, but after seeing it, it is hard for me to have hope that she would be able to do so. The only other place is on the "Sold" section of an obscure vintage jewelry website. They have a voicemail and an e-mail waiting from me as well. That's it. On all of the internet, just two like mine. I am trying not to have hope, because hope hurts.

The relic pinned inside my wedding dress.

My husband asked me if I really want a different one, if it would be the same. Of course it would not be the same. I could only hope it helps fill the hole. And that when I looked at it and touched it while it hangs around my neck, that I would remember everything I want to remember. I realize this is a lot to expect from an object. But I think this is why we created the word talisman. We have the amazing ability to assign meaning and memories to tangible items. When I look at my future, it can be painfully uncertain at times. But I pictured myself wearing that necklace every day until the day I died, and hopefully wearing it when I died as well. That seems like a good time for thinking of faith and love.

The last photo of me wearing the relic necklace.

"Mamamamamamama."

2011-11-07T19:03:00.001-05:00

El Hub's response? "Noooooooooo! I almost had it!"

Newsflash: WE HAVE A TOOTH.

2011-11-04T14:38:00.004-04:00

Eight months and two days old, and George's first tooth has officially made its appearance. He did not have it this morning when he was gnawing on my finger, but I sure noticed something sharp on his bottom right when he was gnawing away again after he woke up from his morning nap. I don't think I have been so excited about something tooth-related since several years ago when they came out with those Crest whitening strips.

Eight months.

2011-11-02T23:01:00.003-04:00

Dear George George bo borge, banana fana fo forge,

That is one of the many songs in my repertoire to cheer you up when you are fussy. We also play the Lickety Split game that our friend Kelly taught me after showing how she does it with your friend Will. I bounce you on my hip while saying "Lickety lickety lickety lickety...split!" and then dip you backwards for the finale. It is almost guaranteed to cheer you up. Your smiles and laughs are infectious.

You need a little more cheering up these days. Gone are the days where you would contentedly play on your own. If Momma or Dadda are not in sight, you loudly let us know that this is unacceptable. Your Mammaw, who adores watching you while Momma goes to the gym to get her fitness on, says she can even tell you miss us while we are gone.

We try to rectify this by using FaceTime to chat with your daddy at work, and we call Mammaw and Grandpa too. The newest trick is how you interact with them, putting your arms up in the air when they ask, "How big is George?" Hilariously, you always follow it up with clapping, like you are just that proud of yourself.

The biggest milestone this month is crawling. CRAWLING. It is just another one of those things that hammers home that you are growing up. So far you creep or army crawl fairly slowly, but your enthusiasm tells me that you are going to figure out how to go faster very soon. Which means I am in big trouble, because as slow as you are right now, you still manage to find random junk to shove in your mouth. How do you manage that, Houdini? It also means the cats are in big trouble, because you still have them on your radar.

The sippy cup is also a big deal for you. Last month you started taking a sippy cup with a spout, but the ideal is for babies to use straws. Something about oral motor function yadda yadda yadda. Well, a few weeks ago we tried your straw sippy cup, and it was a success. Let me tell you why this is awesome for non-oral motor reasons. I can hand you your sippy cup in the car, and it keeps you happily quiet for a few minutes. For this reason, your sippy cup is worth more than gold to me.

Baby led solids are still going great. Most other mommas think we are either brave or crazy, but other than watching you carefully, giving you non-pureed foods has been utterly awesome. We eat together, as a family. You love shoveling food into your mouth, especially the sweet potato fries I make for you. That pincer grasp is getting better as well.

I spent my first night away from you this month when your daddy and I celebrated our anniversary (he has already been away several nights for business trips, so only one of us was antsy about this adventure). You spent the night at your Mammaw and Grandpa's house. She said she already knew you were a happy joy, but she was pleasantly surprised that you slept through the night. Which is what you do, ever since a little help from us when we did sleep training (GASP! Cue the judgment!) earlier this month. Knock on wood you keep on sleeping like this, especially since we finally got you napping regularly again for the first time since we took that trip to Boston and Maine three months ago.

Halloween was a few days ago, and this is one of my favorite holidays of the year - it is all about the joy, cuteness, and creativity of children (or, for one as young as you, their parents). We took a few photos of you in your dinosaur costume the day before, thank goodness, because the day of Halloween you were not having any of that. Luckily we had an orange onesie, plopped you on the porch at Mammaw and Grandpa's house in Celebration, and you happily played and ate for nearly three hours as trick or treaters steadily streamed into the area. Your cousin Cassandra handled most of the treating work, but between her cat mask and your innate cuteness, kids were happy to be at that house.

You make me happy, kiddo.

Love you,

Momma

Happy Halloween...

2011-10-31T00:18:00.000-04:00

...from a very uncertain little boy, who isn't sure if he likes being dressed up as a dinosaur. No worries kid, in a couple of years you will figure out that this holidays represents a lot of candy, and I think you will like it more then.

Mail's here!

2011-10-27T22:16:00.006-04:00

George received his very first package in the mail today. (If you addressed something directly to him prior to this, well... Sorry. I've been sleep-deprived and conveniently blaming my poor memory on this excuse.) His Auntie Nikki was even sweet enough to include what is his very first (very sweet, HANDWRITTEN! Guys, I don't even handwrite my grocery list) letter. He has been fortunate to receive lots of gifts from people who love him, even before he was born, but this is the first package I can think of that has been addressed directly to him.

Receiving mail when I was a kid was like winning the lottery. That very potential was the reason why I always volunteered to go get the mail. And on those rare occasions there was something addressed to me? I was ecstatic. It was just such a great way to feel special as a child.

Snail mail is dying off, and there is talk of the post office no longer operating on Saturdays. The world is changing from what it was when I was a kid. I know this. Heck, George already has an e-mail address. I didn't get one of those until I was the ripe old age of 13.

But I have a feeling George will still love receiving mail from people who love him.

Do you have these fond memories of mail from when you were a kid? Or do you still get as excited about receiving something with your name on it? Or do you like sending mail more than receiving it? Earlier this week I stumbled on Happy Mail, the cutest little blog chock full of ideas on lightweight items to send someone via mail. Maybe it will motivate me to send some mail of my own. In the meantime, I will enjoy reading George his new book.

Mobility.

2011-10-20T09:26:00.004-04:00

I have been in denial for a few days about this development. He finally got good enough this morning to get to and consequently overturn the cat's water dish on himself, so I could not deny it any longer. The baby is mobile.

I guess this is creeping? Or army crawling? Or scooting? I don't know, it's mobility = doom. Especially since he only seems motivated to go for 1) my laptop, 2) my phone, 3) the cat's water bowl, and 4) electrical cords. Hopefully he will use his powers for good someday, like to reach his fun and obnoxiously colored/lit/noisy/safe toys.

Squishy faces.

2011-10-14T23:26:00.005-04:00

Rob thinks George and I look alike.

I don't see the resemblance myself, aside from the remarkably squishy quality of our faces and our adorable double chins.

Speaking of family resemblance, check this out. My mom:

Me:

Let's take a closer look:

Yeah, I think we are related.

An anniversary three years in the making.

2011-10-11T18:34:00.008-04:00

Three years ago today, we married.

He is my partner. He makes me laugh, even when I don't think I want to laugh. He is so certain, it's maddening and yet ultimately (usually) comforting to behold. He is patient. So patient. He is one of the most affectionate people I know. He's not particularly reliable, but he knows it so he doesn't call me a nag when I continually remind him of events and obligations. When he hugs me, I feel safe. He doesn't like to celebrate anything, but he humors me when I do. He is the best father George could have, and watching him experience such joy when he is with George makes me light up. He's smart, and he would rather explain how something works than be condescending to someone else who doesn't know better.

(Like last week, when I tried to broil steaks for the first time, and I was all, "Why is this meat still bloody?" And he went, "Because you need to put it on the top rack and crack the door open." And he didn't laugh at me. Not to my face at least, and that's what counts. Also, CLEARLY ovens need instruction manuals. Also also, I am never broiling anything ever again because I have visions of baby hands burning themselves in that crack.)

Today he said to me, "So we started dating about five years ago, right?"

I reply, "Yeah, why?"

His response was, "My five year plan worked."

He wanted to be married with a kid by 30, the birthday that passed last week. I am married to an older man. Sexy!

I guess I can check "Be an item on someone else's bucket list" off of my bucket list. And "Make it to three year anniversary." I know, not trendy bucket list items. It's okay, El Hub loves me lack of coolness and all.

Love you, hun.

Seven months.

2011-10-02T21:11:00.004-04:00

Dear George,

Check me out! I'm writing your letter on the actual day of the month of you were born! I don't think I've done this since you were...ever. I've never managed to get one of these posts done on time. Oops. Whatever.

You are closer to one year old than the day you were born. That boggles my mind. You are my baby, such a little baby who drinks his bottle and occasionally condescends to snuggle in my arms. One-year-olds are mobile thundering giants who say actual words and eat lots of real food. How can we be this much closer to that age?

Your major accomplishment this month was learning to sit up on your own. It went down the same way your rolling did - you were not so hot at it for weeks on end, and then one day, suddenly, you got it. You had it. You were sitting up like a pro overnight. I have said before that this is where I would like to hit the pause button, and I mean it. You are such a happy little guy, and it the cuteness just goes through the roof when you sit up in the grocery cart seat, or in a high chair at a restaurant, or I plop you down to play with your toys.

Crawling is supposed to be the next milestone on the radar, but you are not even close. You roll and spin in circles to get where you are trying to go, and you do not seem to frustrated by it. I do think that your motivation to eventually crawl will be the cats. Oh man, do you want to get those cats. I don't blame you. They are kind of jerks, especially when they walk juuuuuust out of your reach. Or they vomit on your toys. Like I said, jerks.

Another accomplishment this past month is that you have begun to take to your sippy cup. You have not mastered it, but you actually get liquid out of it. Years from now when you are struggling with your calculus homework, I will just tell you about the time that I was so very proud that you could drink from your sippy cup. And you will be all, "Ugh, Mom, what is the point of that lame story?" The point is that I will love you no matter happens with your math class. Now stop sassing your mother.

You and I are getting out of the house more. Momma's making friends, which is great for her quality of life, which in turn is great for your quality of life. Happy momma, happy baby. I have heard that saying a lot since having you, and it is true. I just need to pull that line out so I can justify getting a pedicure.

There are so many things that make you happy. I wish that joy could come to you this easily for the rest of your life. Sometimes you break out in a huge smile just because I say "Hi." You love it when I read or sing to you. A couple of days ago I busted out with "Stop! Hammertime. Doo doo doo doo, doo, doo." Yes, your momma rapped for you. That is how much I love you. You rewarded me by laughing like it was the funniest thing you ever saw in your nearly seven months of life. Which might be the truth.

Love you stinkerdoodle,

Momma, aka That Goofy Lady

George laughing at Jack the dog.

2011-10-01T22:03:00.002-04:00

Sorry George, we are never owning a dog. Momma's 1) allergic, 2) afraid of them, and 3) unwilling to become the person to walk it/clean up after it/walk it/clean up after it/walk it... You get the point. But I am sure you will make lots of nice friends who have dogs, and you can go play at their houses. Momma will stay at home with the kitties.

The end of breastfeeding and the beginning of growing up.

2011-09-29T12:38:00.016-04:00

If you are visiting from my guest post over on the wonderful Fearless Formula Feeder's blog, welcome! I wrote that post back when George was about two and a half months old, and a lot of things have changed now that he is almost seven months old. He's ancient! I am pretty sure I saw a wrinkle on the kid this morning. Or maybe that was a fat roll.

Back in May I mentioned I had begun weaning George, but I did not go into detail. It was a difficult decision to make, especially after the emotional and time investments I put into making breastfeeding work. And what made it even more difficult was that around three months, breastfeeding finally turned beautiful. It was amazing, the stuff successful breastfeeders always tell you when they ask you to stick with nursing for another few weeks, months, whatever it takes to get to the land of rainbows and unicorns and cuddly nursing babies. I realize I was lucky to get there. Not everyone can, probably because it doesn't even exist for everyone, which is something I wish a lot of breastfeeding advocates were able to admit. I got there because I was able to make changes that allowed me to feel good. I made peace with my poor supply and stopped pumping after every feeding. Instead of breastfeeding at every feeding, I switched off between bottle and nursing, so when I did nurse, it was a full feeding. Combo feeding became easier, and consequently even more pleasant.

Apparently George agreed that breastfeeding was made of awesome. If nursing was the land of unicorns, then bottlefeeding grew to be the land of mean people who stick hot pokers in the baby's mouth. Over the weeks, he began to despise the bottle, and would cry, kick, fight, flail, and communicate in every way he could that he did not want that bottle.

Well. That is kind of a problem when you have half a milk supply that you were never able to successfully increase over the course of three months full of pumping and galactagogues, and your baby apparently has the perseverance of...well, you. Ask El Hub, I am stubborn. Guess George inherited that from me! Point - Momma.

So, I made the decision to give up breastfeeding to extinguish George's memories of it in order for him to take the bottle more easily. The last day we nursed was on my birthday. We started on his birthday and we ended on mine. There is a symmetry to it that I find bittersweet.

If George had been willing to take both bottle and breast, I have no doubt that we would still be combo feeding. I really liked the rainbow land full of unicorns we traveled so far to visit after I made peace with my milk supply and before George's disdain for the bottle became detrimental.

It has been over three months since we stopped nursing. I do still miss it. George does not, which has helped make bottlefeeding successful again. We are following the number one rule, "Feed the baby." He is growing. He is happy. So in spite of my sadness over the loss of our breastfeeding relationship, I am overwhelmingly happy. I realize that over the coming years, there will be many moments I both celebrate and mourn, because they will be the landmarks of his growing up. When he starts crawling, when he starts using the bathroom by himself, when he goes to school, when he starts making friends on his own, when he goes to college - for every milestone that commemorates our wonderful growing boy, it will serve as a reminder that he will need us less. As El Hub says, that is the point. But I like to celebrate the present, look forward to the future, an reminisce about the past all at once.

Hey, look at me, juggling all these corny emotionally-loaded balls in the air! If I drop one, I think I might burst into cliché hormonally-induced tears and get baby fever, so let's not drop one.

Long story short, we are continuing to do what is best for George and for our family. Life is good.

Sitting up like a big boy.

2011-09-08T21:35:00.003-04:00

So, George is kind of getting the hang of that whole sitting up thing.

THE CUTENESS, IT KILLS.

By "kind of getting the hang of" I do not mean: 1) he uses his arms to break his fall or intentionally lay down, 2) pulls himself into a sitting position. What does this mean? There is lots of whining, either when he wants to sit up or wants to lay down or falls down. But in between all those delightful little whining interludes, there is this, this blissful joy where he seems to know he is doing something kind of cool.

Six months.

2011-09-05T09:52:00.004-04:00

Dear George,

Six months. Half a year. I don't even want to know how many days, so I just won't do the math on that one. Tack on three days because that is how late I am with this post. You are growing faster than I can keep up. All I want to do is thoroughly enjoy you, but silly stuff like washing bottles and taking showers and spending time with other people so I feel human gets in the way. If you could slow down on the the growing thing, then maybe I would have time to do half as much as I would like to do.

Rolling machine is what we call you these days, ever since last week when you started rolling across the living room, down the hall, pretty much anywhere you could access. You first learned to roll back when you were three months old, but found it utterly boring until recently. This has made me realize you are becoming MOBILE, and my world is ENDING, because this house is so, so, so not baby-proofed. Oh man, the baby proofing that needs to happen before you start crawling.

You have not really gotten the hang of sitting up. Whether it is not interesting enough or that bending at the waist hurts your belly too much, I haven't quite figured out. Sorry. I will try to develop my psychic capabilities so we can avoid communications snafus like this in the future. But, whatever. As with rolling, you will do it when you please.

When strangers meet you, the first thing they remark on is how cute you are. This always makes you smile. Their second comment is how alert you are. I would have to start counting on my toes to number all of the absolute strangers who have said, "Wow, he's so alert!" Now if you can just keep paying attention when you are in high school, that would be great.

The people more familiar with you have somehow managed to become even more possessive of you. When my parents call me, they usually ask how you are before they ask about their own precious daughter. THAT is the power of your cuteness. When Mammaw walks in the house, she shouts, "Where is my perfect grandson?" And when your daddy comes home from work, he picks you up, hugs you close, and goes, "MY baby." You love it. Meanwhile I wonder if you will grow up to be as territorial as your father.

This is the month you started to really enjoy being read to. I love reading, and I loved it even more when I was a child, so the gift I would love to be able to give you most is an appreciation of reading. It made me a better, more interested, and more interesting person. (Plus it gave my parents extra quiet time, ain't gonna lie.) You stare at the pages and squeal in delight as I get to the exciting parts. ("Five, four, three, two, one, BLAST OFF!") Or laugh hysterically at whatever it is you find funny in that little noggin of yours. ("Wednesday, ZOOP!")

Solids were a big thing with you this month. Mammaw was over for lunch one day, and she pointed out that you were following our cups as we drank out of them. So I offered you some water, and you went ballistic. You have gotten good at holding cups on both sides with your hands, and you drink without spilling too much. The only downside is that we can't have our glasses within reaching distance of you now unless we're ready to help you with it. We also started you on your first non-cereal food: pears. We did the baby-led weaning thing, and you seem to enjoy gnawing away on the pear slices.

The six month checkup was on your birthday on Friday, and it went really well. The doctor agrees that your belly may disagree with you sitting up, so score one for Mommy intuition on that. Your weight is good, and at the highest percentile it's ever been in your life. And so is your HEIGHT! You are 28 1/8 inches long, and that puts you in the 95%, which just blows our minds. The only close relative you could have inherited that from is my father, so thank you Dad.

You and I tried to get into a groove this month, but then we entered a period where you started fighting naps. All the naps. Of which you only had two a day to begin with, and those naps are crucial to keeping you cute and alert. It has...not been fun. We and persevere and ask you not to tell your daddy how much I curse in front of you and tinker some more, and sometimes you take two naps, and sometimes you just take one. On the days you take two naps, I text your father in a frenzy of sheer joy. On the days you only take one nap, we pray to the all mighty baby deities that it will be at least a three hour nap. Otherwise, you are inconsolable in the evening, and it breaks our hearts. I figure it is one of the first in many ways you will break our hearts over the years to come. Great start, buddy!

Love you lots and lots (even when you refuse to nap),

Momma

ZOMG parenting philosophies overload, AKA pears are yummy.

2011-08-28T21:23:00.005-04:00

Purees! Baby-led weaning! You will let the baby choke if you hand him that pear! He will never learn how to chew if you spoon feed him purees! The sky is falling!

Sorry. I just cannot resist poking fun at the mommy wars. And the term "mommy wars" in general. I could check with El Hub, but I am pretty sure he is involved in some of these same decisions we make about raising our baby. But "parent wars" does not have the same ring to it.

HEY LOOK CUTE BABY.

Slightly steamed pear slice (steamed only because the raw slices were too hard and slippery for him to hold onto very long). He went to town on it. Fun times were had. We have been doing oatmeal cereal for a few weeks now, but George is all about shoving objects in his mouth, so we are capitalizing on that by throwing a little baby-led weaning into our routine.

Reflecting on "Reflections of Motherhood."

2011-08-26T15:07:00.005-04:00

George is almost six months old. Six months! Half a year! Two-thirds of the way to being out in this world longer than he was in my body! And he has changed so much in that time, and I've changed too.

If I could go back six months to give myself a message based on my experiences since having a baby, what would I tell myself?

Every parent out there can probably identify with at least a few of those sentiments. I know I can. But the one that resonates with me the most is "Trust your instincts."

You know you. You know your baby. We all come up against obstacles. Fight, fight, fight for the answers. Find the strength you need to do it, whether it is in you or you need to lean on others for support. That baby needs you to buck up and be the one to figure it out.

Trust your instincts.

The truth is out, I'm a SAHM.

2011-08-19T07:44:00.001-04:00

Now that I am rocking the mostly-stay-at-home-mom gig, I am continually amazed by how judgmental people have been about this status. The reaction is not always negative - there have probably been as many people to say that I am doing the absolute best thing for my baby by being attached at the hip 24/7 as there have been people who seem to just wonder what I do all day with my time.

I bet those people think I spend all day twiddling my thumbs. Well, the joke is on them! I only spend HALF my day twiddling my thumbs.

But seriously, I have yet to come up with a great answer for any of those people. The folks who want to high five me don't realize I had not originally intended to take on this role, and that I think working outside the home is a totally valid and healthy way of life as well. And those who think I am a lazy lucky lady don't seem to understand just where my time goes, probably because I have yet to figure out how to accurately convey it to them.

Luckily, the Washington Post's Carolyn Hax did it for me:

When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

This reminded me of another post I read back when I was pregnant, a blog post by Dooce that absolutely cracked me up:

Have you ever been a stay-at-home parent? Do you have any idea the amount of rigorous work and emotion it requires? The tireless hours of performing tasks that will never earn you a raise or a gold star or even be acknowledged by another human being? Cause Imma let you shut your mouth if you haven't.

Look, I am not saying stay at home parents are made of more awesome than other people. In fact, a friend who read the WP article pointed out that the author's point is the same about good parents as it would be about anyone else giving a project their all - personal time becomes incredibly precious. Sometimes it seems like the difference is a matter of respect - in our culture, we respect earning money, we respect a quantifiable end result. Raising kids is pretty much the antithesis of those things, where we wind up with less money and a perpetual work-in-progress project who has the audacity to have a mind of his or her own who eventually reaches a point where THEY WILL GET THAT TATTOO BECAUSE I AM 18 AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT, DAD.

This is a really long winded way of getting around to say this: my personal truth is that I have NEVER worked as hard at a job as I have at being home alone with my baby all day. And there's only one of him! And he isn't even mobile yet! I'm going to have to level up here soon. Anyway, this is what I do all day. I raise my son.

Prized possession.

2011-08-15T09:04:00.000-04:00

We are super duper amazingly rottenly spoiled by my mother because she looks after George frequently for us. El Hub works crazy hours, so if I have a doctor's appointment or a board meeting during the week, it is usually my child's Mammaw rather than my child's Daddy who can keep an eye on the kiddo while I go play with the adults. Plus, on the weekends when we want to see a movie in a real movie theater where there are no babies letting us know they want food and attention and naps, my mom watches him then as well. See? SPOILED.

But I know the day will arrive when we have to hire a babysitter. And I know babysitters are making a lot more than I used to make. And a LOT more than my own babysitters used to earn. My mother remembers paying my sitters $2 an hour and complaining to my Pop-Pop about how ridiculously high she felt that price was for a night out.

His response was fascinating. To preface this, he passed away when I was a young kid, so I did not get to know him as well as I would have liked. Even so I knew Pop-Pop was not the sort of person one would call sentimental. He had also never hired a babysitter in his entire life, as my mom and her sisters were only ever with their mother or their aunt.

Pop-Pop's response to my mother's complaint about high school girls raiding her wallet in exchange for keeping an eye on me? According to my mom, he said "She is your prized possession. She's worth the money."

Well! Thanks for thinking so highly of me, Pop-Pop. Also, wow. I wish I could chat with you now and find out what you would think of your great-grandson. And also ask why you never let me play with the electric model boat you built.

Picky picky.

2011-08-14T14:28:00.003-04:00

El Hub: I'm hungry and there's no food.
Me: We'll go grocery shopping when the baby wakes up. Why don't you eat cereal to tide you over?
El Hub: No, the only milk we have is your almond milk.
Me: So?
El Hub: I only like milk that comes from boobs.

Belly to back.

2011-08-12T09:04:00.003-04:00

George has been rolling belly to back for about two and a half months since he was three months old, but always sporadically and infrequently (which doesn't lend itself to being recorded). This morning he was rolling immediately the first three times I tried to do tummy time with him, and this is the fourth.

Way to go, buddy! Now let's work more on sitting up unassisted and just pause things after that, okay?

Five months.

2011-08-09T14:38:00.003-04:00

Dear Butternut,

Your momma's a slacker. Oops. I'm only a week late in writing this letter, so it could be worse, eh? You could be thirteen and laying a guilt trip on me for never making a baby book for you, which, um, I haven't gotten around to yet either. Anyway.

Month five was another big month for you. We officially unswaddled you because you started rolling back to belly in your sleep. And boy, did it tick you off to wake up on your belly without your arms free to turn yourself back over. Your father and I were frankly terrified that your sleep routine would totally degenerate...and that fear was somewhat well founded, as your nap routine went out the window. But you still sleep well enough at night, at least once we finally get you asleep.

You do roll, but only a few times a week. You are much more interested in doing your "baby crunches" because you want to sit up so badly. We practice sitting up every day, and you love it. You have even "tripoded" a couple of times and impressed the pediatrician because that's a six-month skill. Way to go, my little overachiever!

There's a spoon in this month's photo because it was the month of starting solids. One night shortly after you turned four months, your father announced he was bored and started feeding you baby oatmeal. Yup. This is our parenting philosophy. Have fun with that for the next couple decades.

We call you our baby bird when you're eating solids because you open up your moth for more as soon as the spoon gets within several inches. We are just sticking with oatmeal for now, but soon we will be branching out into pears, poultry, and squash. You are beginning to master putting things in your mouth, so we are looking forward to doing finger foods eventually as well.

We skipped the solid food when we went to New England for a week. Yes, your very first plane and train trips - we flew to Boston where you met your Grandpa Slotnick and Auntie Nicole and their family, and then we took a train to Maine for a reunion with your Nana's family. You were such a trooper, even though you were utterly exhausted every day due to lack of naps. And of course, everyone thought you were made of awesome.

We sing more lullabies now that you're having a harder time falling asleep, and you just stare at me in fascination. You smile little smiles, and I try so hard to not smile back so you know it's naptime and not playtime. But I am not good at playing it straight-faced, so you know I'm happy you're happy.

Speaking of that, you are such a joy. I just don't know how else to explain it. We marvel at what a happy baby you are. One of my greatest wishes for you is that you retain your ability to smile and laugh at the life's littlest joys.

That's it, Stinky McStinkerson. Momma loves you.

Love,

That Lady Whose Hair You Like to Pull

Four months.

2011-07-03T17:25:00.001-04:00

Dear George,

You just keep growing. What's up with that? You are allowed to grow until you can sit up and belly laugh, but we need to hit the pause button there.

Although I think you may be just about to start belly laughing. When your daddy kisses your neck with his prickly goatee, you laugh and squeal and laugh some more. It's the hardest you ever laugh, and we just love it.

Your favorite things are chewing on your hands, staring at your right hand, being lifted in the air, and the sound of your own voice. The blurry little legs in this photo reveal your love of kicking kicking kicking. You also, unfortunately, love the television, so I make sure to never have it turned on during the day. Your father doesn't seem to see the harm in it, but I would rather you interact with us developing your language skills or with your toys so you can finesse your hand-eye coordination. Plus, you get this vacant, dopey look on your face when you gaze at the television.

Lately you have begun expressing frustration when you want something and you can't make it happen. You rolled over from your belly to your back for the first time a few weeks ago, but you've only done it a few times since then. You try, and then you let out angry little squawks if you can't make it happen. Today, you were trying to put your Taggies blanket in your mouth, and kept crying every time you failed. I actually love that you get frustrated because it shows that you are being challenged and want to grow.

We may start you on solids soon. There is a lot of debate about whether to start at four vs. six months, but we are choosing to watch your cues and go with the advice of your doctors. You stare intently at us when we eat, but you do not yet try to grab our food. We will begin with baby oatmeal cereal instead of rice cereal, but I am sure we will end up with a messy faced baby no matter what or when we start.

This next month is going to be a doozy. Your Mammaw is going out of town, so we are spending a week with Grandpa at their house. Then two days after she returns, we are going to Maine for a week. You are one sad panda when your routine is thrown off, so fingers crossed we all survive with sanity and naps relatively intact.

Hugs and cuddles,

Momma

This seems like a good way to end the week.

2011-07-01T20:23:00.004-04:00

A few days ago I received a package containing a belated birthday bracelet that El Hub didn't realize he bought for me (meaning, I bought it for myself). Let this be a marketing lesson: I am going to remember this jeweler forever because he created the most delightful unpacking experience. The box was stamped with random images like fish, and inside was a little Chinese red money envelope full of faux dinero, a Fortune Teller Fish, and this mustache. Oh, and my gorgeous bracelet. Thank you, Mark Kaplan!

To the fathers in my life on Father's Day 2011.

2011-06-19T21:00:00.007-04:00

Dear Dad,

I have always felt lucky to be your daughter.

We may not have had the most conventional relationship, but it was the kind I needed the most. You were a fantastic stay-at-home dad who was always there for me, wanting to hear about my day. Education was always the most important thing to you, and you made it the most important thing to me. Your encouragement made me never, ever doubt that I would go to college, and even get my Master's degree. The stories of your travels inspired that same love of traveling in me as well, and I have seen so much of the world because of you.

There are so many characteristics in myself that I can attribute to you, and I am forever grateful to that. I want you to know that I am going to do my very best to raise George to appreciate the parts of life you have shown me how to love.

Love,

Your Daughter

Dear El Hub,

We may only be a few months into this parenthood thing, but it really does feel like a lifetime, doesn't it? Technically it has been the length of George's lifetime, so let's just go with it.

I never once doubted that you would be an exceptional father, and you have never once proven me wrong. Through all the stress, the sleepless nights, the doctor visits, the tears, you have done your very best to be there every step of the way. Seeing in George's face just how very much he loves you and is comforted by your very presence is such a blessing, and I hope you are always able to remember and cherish this raw love. Especially when he's ~~teething~~ ~~a toddler~~ ~~a teenager~~ growing up and these memories become more distant.

Thank you for being the father of this blissful child.

Love,

The Girl

Dear George,

I hope you won't become a father for a very, very long time. But when you do have your own child someday, I hope it helps you understand just how much these men love you.

Love,

Momma

George rolled from tummy to belly! And then cried.

2011-06-18T12:26:00.002-04:00

Also, my finger makes an appearance. Oops.

3 months.

2011-05-27T21:56:00.009-04:00

Dear George,

You turned three months old yesterday. This is your last month as a newborn, and then you will just be a plain ol' infant. Or maybe you become an infant when you TURN three months old. I cannot remember, and Momma is feeling too lazy to google right now.

This month's photo shows two of your new tricks: holding things and sticking your fingers in your mouth. You just love chewing on your fingers. As for the toys, I still have to work them into your little fingers, but in just a week you have gone from only shaking them once or twice before dropping them to holding them for a minute or two. We have even watched you intentionally reach for toys, and your aim is improving.

You took that smiling skill from last month and turned them into laughs. You think your mommy is SO. FUNNY! But I think you are the funny one, with such a happy nature that you would probably find me reading the phone book totally hilarious.

The experience of feeding you has been gradually improving. We have been working so, so hard on figuring out what to do for you and your belly, and we are getting closer to figuring out the best solutions for all of us. I know we are getting closer because during a two week period this past month, you put on a pound and a half. This was huge for you. Your double chin emerged before our very eyes.

Cuddling with you is one of the sweetest moments of the day. After feeding, I put you up on my shoulder to burp you. Once we get a nice belch (you take after your dad) (er, confession: you also take after your mom, if my pregnancy burps were anything to go by), you curl your head in my neck and I hug you close. I cannot help but think that someday will be the last day you let me hold you like this, and it makes me just want to squish you more now.

You love new people, but not a lot of them all at once. Too many people squealing and cooing in your face causes you to stick out your lower lip and cry a good cry. We get it, we get it, you are more of a one on one kiddo. But you are so cute, how do you expect people to resist going gaga over you?

You have turned into a more reliable napper on days when we do not leave the house. This makes your happy disposition much, much happier. I cannot emphasize this enough, but THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR NAPPING. Rest is a good thing for everyone, babies and parents especially.

In fact, you are napping right now, so I am going to go try to check more to do items off my list. That way, when you wake up, I can spend my time making faces at you and sticking toys in your hands.

Love,

Yo Momma

P.S. Cutie says hi.

Baby gear that makes life livable: Breastfeeding edition

2011-05-23T07:27:00.002-04:00

I am in the process of weaning the kiddo. This is an incredibly emotional decision, especially after all of the hard work we have put into breastfeeding. But it is the best decision for us now, and the timing is right. I will always look back fondly on nursing George, and I am so glad I was able to get the support and resources I needed to make it this far.

Breastfeeding is hard. Really hard. If you are going to try to do it, then do what you can to make your goals more realistic and your life more livable in those awful, early, seemingly endless days where you start dreading when the baby will nurse again. You think I am exaggerating? Even the mommas at my mommy-baby support group who would describe their breastfeeding experience as going great would admit to times like that. Keeping it real, people.

My Brest Friend

The Boppy stinks. Use this instead. I could end my thoughts right there, but basically, make sure you have a supportive pillow. The Brest Friend is nicely firm so it is more comfortable for George because he does not slip off, and I can even breastfeed hands-free with this pillow.

Lactation consultant

Get a lactation consultant. Preferably BEFORE you have the baby, because you do not want to be scrambling to find someone you like when questions come up at four days post-partum and everyone is exhausted and the baby is crying and who knew googling for a reputable lactation consultant could take so long?

We had so many different issues with breastfeeding that we genuinely needed professional help, and I credit our lactation consultant as one of the main reasons we have lasted as long as we have. She watched how we breastfed, helped us correct the latch, try new positions, showed me how to use my breast pump, referred us to an oral motor specialist, taught me about galactogogues, and acted as our cheerleader when times were tough (which was just about every time we visited her).

And do not assume they are breastfeeding militants, who will judge you if you admit any fears about the feasibility of continuing breastfeeding. A good lactation consultant will follow this as the number one rule: Feed the baby. Formula is not the enemy, and sometimes, supplementation really is necessary. Our lactation consultant took the above photo of El Hub feeding George his first ever bottle at one week and five days old.

Target nursing tanks and a regular ole' cardigan

There are not really any decent photos of me in this get-up. El Hub, why do you never take photos of me?

I have been living in these tank tops since George was born. When I know I am going out, I try to wear a cardigan that buttons. When it is time to nurse, I just button the top couple of buttons, lower the tank, and begin nursing. It is so much more discreet than those gigantic nursing covers, and way less sweltering.

So that's that. If you are breastfeeding, rock those ta-tas with pride. If you are not, rock those bottles with pride as well. In other words, FEED THE BABY. Hooray for common ground!

Baby gear that makes life livable (the 0-3 month edition).

2011-05-18T16:51:00.010-04:00

I loooooved baby gear posts when I was pregnant. Advice from real moms about what worked for their babies was like crack for me. Almost expensive as real crack too. Actually, I have no idea how much crack costs on the black market these days (or any past days, for that matter), but it seems like drug habits are pretty expensive, and baby stuff is DEFINITELY expensive, so. I am sticking with my analogy of crack to baby gear.

Here is where I give you the usual disclaimer about how all babies are different and what works for us may not work for you. But selfishly, this post is not really for or about you, it is actually about me saying a big fat thank you to the people who created or gifted us with these things, without which our quality of life over the past few months would have suffered. And also saying, hey, manufacturers, maybe lower your prices a little bit? Seriously, Momma needs to be able to afford formula (which is also probably more expensive than crack, I would be willing to bet).

Miracle Blanket

We call this Miracle Blanket the baby strait jacket. And then we follow it up by calling it the most awesome thing ever. There is a reason that this is first on our list, and that is because we genuinely believe this sucker helps our butternut sleep better. In the hospital, there was this one pediatrician who could swaddle like nobody's business. In fact, when we mentioned this super tight swaddle to the nurses, they went, "Oh, Dr. So-and-So? Yeah, nobody can swaddle as well as him." Well, we certainly can't. We left the hospital without having honed our swaddling skills, and that was a mistake.

What was not a mistake was registering for a Miracle Blanket. It is like swaddling for dummies. Lay baby on blanket, tuck little flaps over arms to strap 'em in, tuck little legs in pocket, and then wrap wrap wrap. Don't be afraid to wrap tightly. Babies liked to be wrapped super tight, and I have not broken George yet. El Hub and my mother are total wusses and do not wrap him as tightly as I do, and George always manages to bust out, punch himself in the face, and wake up. That makes Momma sad.

Cloth diaper prefolds used as burp cloths

George's tummy woes mean that he spits up a lot. But I have been assured that all babies spit up, despite all those parents I have seen burping their babies without a burp cloth. Seriously people, isn't your baby going to explode all over you? Anyway, this was a cheap and handy route to make sure all rooms in our house have clean burp cloths handy. We started with four or five packs, and that was a good number for us with our laundering frequency.

Bouncer

George's tummy woes also mean he has to sit upright for 20 or 30 minutes after a feeding, and this Fisher Price Infant-to-Toddler Rocker is the most upright seat in our house. I pop him in there and have that much time to pump, take a shower, prepare food, and do laundry. Or make goofy faces at him, which is what ends up happening at least half the time.

Activity mat

After George's belly has settled and he has had enough cuddle time (he is an independent kiddo, unafraid of whining until we put him down. Well. FINE, GEORGE, I DIDN'T WANT TO CUDDLE WITH YOU EITHER. *sob*), this is usually where he goes. It comes with a few toys, and has little holes through which you can hook your own toys for variety. He just loves this thing, and can happily stay here until he is ravenously hungry.

Carriers

We have a few different carriers for a few different purposes. Our pouch is handy for quickly popping George in for a quick errand, like walking to the mailbox (I actually credit our pouch for helping to protect George since my hands were more free to break our fall). Our other favorite carrier is a Beco Butterfly II, which is very similar to the more well known Ergo soft-structured buckle carrier. The Beco is nice because there is a thin layer of material between you and the baby, but any carrier like this is great for longer days since the buckles distribute the weight more evenly across your hips and your back.

Angelcare Monitor

We thought George would stay in our room for the first few months, and that it would be especially convenient for breastfeeding for the first few months. Ha! Hahahaha! Oh, preconceived notions about parenthood, so funny and futile. The truth is, we were all waking one another up. We are all noisy sleepers, and none of us were sleeping well. We moved George into his nursery at five weeks and he promptly started sleeping longer and longer stretches of sleep. The only reason I could do this without anxiety was because of the Angelcare monitor. We tested it out enough to feel comfortable that it would alert us in case anything happened to George during the night.

Folding Bath Tub

We use the (and I say this fondly) el-cheapo Safety 1st Sink Snuggler Baby Bather, and it works great for us. There will be years of breaking our backs bending over the bathtub to bathe the baby, but for now this makes it easy for us to use our kitchen sink instead. It also stows away so it takes up very little space. Confession: George gets bathed more frequently since we purchased this item.

Food

Want to do something wonderful for the new parents in your life? Bring them food. Preferably freezer and oven friendly food - so they can freeze it if they are fortunate enough to have an overabundance of food that day, or can throw it in the oven and ignore it while they tend to their bundle of joy.

In those early days, it is so difficult to take the time to think about feeding yourself rather than your baby. Thank you to every person who brought us food. El Hub and I agreed that this should be a requirement for anyone who wants to visit an adorable newborn - bring those tired parents some food. They will be so grateful. The generosity of people this kind and thoughtful only goes so far, so be sure to stock up on frozen food that can just be tossed in the oven for minimal attention required.

Baby Connect App

In those first few weeks of life, the pediatricians want parents tracking feedings and diaper output. This Baby Connect app made it ridiculously easy. El Hub and I both had it on our phones and were able to link our accounts so we could both input information about everything from stool color to naptimes. I still use it to track feedings and sleep.

Sleep Sheep

Sometimes you will do ANYTHING to get your baby to sleep. White noise helps. The ocean waves setting on the Sleep Sheep is George's favorite, but I met a few mommies who swear by an app that is just a recording of a guy shushing over and over and over and over again. Which, if you have ever tried to do yourself, and I have, it is exhausting. So buy the Sleep Sheep. Or the app. Or an adult sound machine. Whatever it takes, dude.

Zipper Jammies

Sometimes snaps are just too much work. And socks. Especially since babies are so skilled at losing socks. So just buy these footed zipper pajamas and have your baby wear them constantly. I promise, they will still be sooooooo cute without the super fancy outfits, and their feet will be warm too.

Well, this was a long list, but I honestly would not trade in any of these items. And spoiler alert to any real life friends who may be baking any buns in their ovens anytime soon, these are what I am likeliest to be gifting at future baby showers for years to come. Now to figure out what will help us survive the next few months of George's baby-hood.

Baby laughter is good for the soul.

2011-05-18T15:50:00.008-04:00

We have a really hard time getting that last feeding of the day in before George conks out for bedtime. He generally passes out about halfway through, since he's so thoroughly comforted and loved by being held and bonded with through feeding.

That's cute and all, but Momma wants her baby to eat! A couple of nights ago, El Hub was giving George his bottle and beginning to lose the baby to dreamworld, so I put on my goofy face and started chatting up a storm in an effort to try to get him to stay awake. George was so. Far. Gone. His eyes were just slits, and if you had asked me, I would have told you he was already asleep.

But what did he do? George started laughing the barest, slightest, quietest of laughs. He chuckled at me. And then he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

Guys, I am pretty sure this is why people have babies.

Yet another crazy day.

2011-05-10T17:20:00.005-04:00

Look, I'm going to level with you. Parts of this post are gross. And parts of this post are woe-is-me. There. You have been warned. Read at your own risk.

For Mother's Day, I received some beautiful hydrangeas. Gorgeous! I have never had hydrangeas before, and I was particularly awed at how the gorgeous purple faded to blue on many of the flowers. Lovely gift.

Unfortunately, our cat Cole thought it was his gift. He decided to eat some of it this morning. Even more unfortunately, it turns out hydrangeas are poisonous. YEAH. Enter the grossness, which involves lots of disgusting kitty bodily functions coming out both ends.

I call up the vet to ask them why our cat is vomiting so, so much and oh, are hydrangeas poisonous? The answer was a resounding yes, and they strongly recommended I bring him in immediately. Did I mention that El Hub is out of town? So I am on my own with the baby? The cranky baby who was up every three hours last night and hates missing his naptime? Oh, I did? Good.

Cole's carrier is kept in the garage, so I rush to grab it when it literally breaks in half in my hands. Well. That's awkward. I shove Cole in this broken carrier that doesn't quite stay closed and rush every baby, cat, and crazy lady into the car.

So I am driving to the vet with a yowling cat and a crying baby, when all of a sudden I smell something awful. Cole pooped himself. He was so stinking (literally) nervous that he pooped himself. Five minutes into a half hour trip. YEAH. I am just going to be grateful he did not pee as well.

We make it to the veterinarian's office, and I very awkwardly carry in the broken cat carrier and the fully functional (see? Something for which to be grateful. Keeping it positive) infant carrier. The very kind vet techs see my dilemma and jerry rig a fix for the cat carrier with zip ties. Unfortunately, some dogs in the waiting room start barking like mad. Which makes George wail like mad. Meanwhile, Cole has been yowling and heaving and pooping the entire time.

We finally get shuffled into an exam room. George decides that since things are a little calmer that this is the perfect time to have a diaper blowout. More poop! Poop everywhere! Poop for everyone!

The veterinarian called me a brave woman. I disagree. I just did what I had to do. And now I am relaying it to you because REALLY? Was I being filmed for a tragicomedic reality show? Is life really this crazy? Did I mention that I fell on my face and had to go to the ER a few weeks ago? I also had food poisoning when George was two weeks old. And he was born two weeks early. It has been a crazy couple of months.

Cole seems to be fine. You would think this is where the story ends, but not quite. I take my menagerie home (with Cole doped up on anti-nausea drugs and a list of instructions on things to look for in case his heart fails), and a little while later Cole decides to poop in the bathroom. And then on my jeans. It seems to be punishment for taking him to the vet.

So now I am just waiting. I know the war on excrement is not over yet. One of them is going to make a mess just for me any minute now.

El Hub does not come home for three more days. When he does, I need a break from kitty litter and diaper duty.

The lesson of this story is to not let your cat eat poisonous plants. I do not have any advice for the diaper blowouts. The End.

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-08T23:18:00.005-04:00

This day last year, I was just about to go through an awful, challenging time. It is amazing how much of a difference one year can make.

Today I asked to go to yoga and to have a nap. Both were achieved. Good day.

Baby smiles are good for the soul

2011-05-06T17:23:00.004-04:00

And baby laughter is good for my self-esteem. George thinks I am HILARIOUS. He'll learn. Give him a few years. Or maybe until he's a teenager. I probably won't seem very funny to him them, if he takes after me at all.

2 months.

2011-05-02T18:33:00.002-04:00

George is two months old today. I thought about switching out the blanket for something less wrinkly, but frankly? Our lives are kind of wrinkled right now. And we roll with it. I would rather hang out with my baby than fret too much about tidying up. So this is a pretty good representation of our lives today.

George is eight weeks and five days old today. At around seven weeks old, he started smiling real smiles at us. He makes us feel like we've won the lottery every time he grins that grin at us. He is 23 inches long and weighed in at 8 pounds and 11 ounces today. I worry about his weight sometimes when I play the let's-compare-babies game at playgrounds, but his pediatrician and pediatric gastroenterologist tell us he is growing great.

Speaking of his gastroenterologist, we figured out a few weeks ago that George has silent reflux, and it's been causing him a terrible amount of discomfort. We are figuring out the routine that works for him to help minimize his pain, and it is like having a brand new baby. After weeks of wondering why he was so unhappy and what we were doing wrong, we are so grateful to have figured it out, and even more grateful that he seems to be much happier.

Also, see the little bandaids on his legs? George had his two month shots today. Terrible! He fussed and slept a lot - and even cried in his sleep, but after a few hours, settled down enough to get his cuddle mode on.

Family portraits.

2011-04-24T21:19:00.004-04:00

My camera and my handy remote made these possible. Woohoo!

Plus a goofy outtake:

Plus plus George hanging out with his grandpa:

Plus plus plus George smiling for his mammaw:

What do you want to do today? Oh, let's try to set a world record.

2011-04-23T20:53:00.006-04:00

Bright polka dots and pastel stripes totally go together.

Man, what an overachiever. Barely seven weeks old, and the kid has already participated in trying to set a Guinness world record.

And all George had to do was lay there while his mommy changed his diaper. Peeing and pooping optional. So he's lazy to boot.

He's lucky he's cute. That's totally why I keep him around.

On a less facetious note, thank you Wee Willie Winks for hosting the Orlando location for the Great Cloth Diaper Change! It was fun to meet other cloth diapering folks at Lake Eola Park today. We traded our thoughts on different brands, and I tried to get advice on what to do with a long and lean skinny thigh baby (yeah, leaks. They happen. Ick.).

We also learned about some local mommy support groups, and let me tell you, I am all about support right now. This baby stuff is tough, and getting out of the house and chatting with people going through the same things helps to keep me level.

All in all, a fun day. Now I get to brag about my baby being a world record holder. What mom doesn't want to be able to say that?

The cutest 18 seconds of video ever.

2011-04-20T22:33:00.004-04:00

George has been smiling - not just lightening his face, teasing us with a look that wanted to become a smile, but actual, genuine, real as real can be smiles - since Saturday.

ADORABLE!

Breastfeeding sucks.

2011-04-19T20:48:00.008-04:00

Homework from occupational therapy - the fishy face.

I am sharing our story of our breastfeeding experience because I want to help out anyone who stumbles across this by googling "breastfeeding sucks" at 3am (the way I did many, many times that first week). I say "our" because it is not just about me and George - my husband plays a huge role in our experience and ability to continue on, as do our lactation consultants, occupational therapists, my mom for all the help she has provided, and even the nurses back at the hospital in the very beginning. Everyone - and everything - has shaped our experiences.

Breastfeeding is hard. I knew this and I expected it to be hard. But I did not expect it to be THIS hard. And I do not think it is, for most women and their babies. Most women do not have the problems we are experiencing. But most women who choose to breastfeed do run into struggles at one point or another - my goal is not to compare our experiences, but to acknowledge that any struggle is a struggle. This is just ours.

Long story short when it comes to our unique issues (and believe me, this is the short version), George has a weak suck and chomps instead of using his tongue. This decimated my milk supply in the early days so I am playing a perpetual game of catch up. We have been supplementing with a bottle after most feedings since he was one week and five days old. For George, we do oral motor exercises, see an occupational therapist, and weigh him before and after feedings to see what he has been able to transfer. As for me, I take herbs, pump after most feedings, and even taking a prescription medication to try to compensate for George not holding up his end of the bargain in the "breast milk supply and demand" game (the more that's the removed, the more that is made).

So we are doing everything we can. And maybe it is not enough. If it ends up not being enough, I think I can become okay with that. Society, on the other hand, may not approve. The messages I have received since becoming pregnant and having George are loud and clear: Breastfeed your baby! But never in public! And when you pull that bottle out, we will assume it is formula rather than expressed breast milk and we will judge you for not doing the best for your baby! Because formula is poison, despite the many, many, many babies that formula-feed who thrive and grow into healthy children and adults!

My family is still in the trenches. For right now, combo feeding is working for us. I do all of this because I enjoy nursing George, and because George loves loves loves nursing. El Hub gets to look into the baby's eyes and bond while he gives him a bottle. Our baby is gaining weight, peeing, and pooping, and when he's not busy with those things, he is happily cuddling in our arms or playing in his activity mat.

It works for us right now. But my supply might dry up despite my best efforts. Or as George grows, my supply might not grow with him and he will go on nursing strikes, frustrated by how little he is getting for all his hard work. Or his oral motor occupational therapy for his weak suck may stall out. Or El Hub and I may decide this lifestyle is causing more stress than health and joy.

So if we end up being able to exclusively breastfeed, or decide to switch to all formula, or find that the time commitment of combo feeding continues to work for us - rest assured, we will be doing what is best for George and for our family.

That's a neat party trick.

2011-04-17T22:17:00.002-04:00

A conversation preceded by me asking El Hub to refill my water for the eighty bajillionth time since I got pregnant last year:

Me: I just realized that instead of turning water into wine, I turn water into milk.
El Hub: Yeah, but that's a lot less fun at parties.
Me: It involves boobies, that makes it MORE fun.

Fun times. A more genuine post on the trials and tribulations of breastfeeding coming soon.

Scariest day of my life.

2011-04-14T12:52:00.007-04:00

George is fine. That's just a good way to start this story.

So yesterday I went to go get the mail. That's another way to start this story. I wish that was the beginning of a terribly boring story, but boring stories don't end with stitches and black eyes and emergency room visits and fearing for your baby's life. Whoops! Belated spoiler alert!

I was carrying George in a sling as I was walking back to the house. I tripped over the curb - who the hell trips? - and discovered that as you fall to the ground while holding your six week old baby, you have a frightening amount of time to think. And get scared. And do your best to break your fall with your free hand, the hand in front of the sling, and your face.

Oh my god. I really cannot even tell you how awful it was. There was blood everywhere, and my glasses were broken so I could barely see a thing. George was crying, and I could not even see well enough to tell if he was okay. I started screaming for help. And no one came.

With no idea where my cellphone was and no way to see well enough to look for it, I ran into our house, hoping that by setting off the alarm that help would be sent. Then I went to the neighbor's house to ask to use their phone so I could call 911, have them check the baby, and call my husband.

Our neighbor's poor kid opened the door. Facial wounds bleed a lot, so I don't even want to think about the mess that kid had to look at. I asked him if his parents were home, trying not to hyperventilate. His sweet mother, who barely speaks English, came to the door. It all gets blurry after that. She took George from my shaking arms, looked him over as I frantically asked if he was okay, and she pronounced him fine. Her husband handed me a Blackberry I didn't know how to operate. Their son ended up dialing 911 for me. After that, I asked them to come to my house with me so I could look for my phone and insurance cards.

The ambulance arrived quickly, and there were so many paramedics. Maybe there were two ambulances? In the end, we only used one. Half of the paramedics attended George, and the other half tried to attend to me, but I insisted they all check the baby before even looking at me. George was crying since it was time to eat, he was alert and looking around, and absolutely everyone assured me they were not worried about him in the slightest.

They looked at my hands and my wrist, which was swelling pretty nicely by that point. They looked at the cuts on my face and tried to assess if I had broken my cheek. When they asked what hospital I wanted to go to, I said Arnold Palmer for Children. I needed more people to tell me George was okay.

Poor Rob. I called him a couple of times before he answered. Who on earth wants to receive a call that begins, "They say the baby is fine, but I might not be." He has an amazing fortitude for staying calm and seemed to take it all in stride. He left work to meet us at the hospital.

The hospital was more of the same - people looking at George and pronouncing him fine. I kept crying. Accident is such a terrible term - it's not a magical word that mysteriously alleviates all guilt. I still feel terrible. George has a little scrape on his head, maybe 1/10th the size of my pinky nail - I would need a macro lens to even photograph it. I hate that scrape.

His onesie was covered in my blood. When we finally got home, I tossed it on the floor of his bedroom. It's still there. I don't know what to do with it, so I'm just leaving it there.

I am fine. After lots of poking and prodding and stitches and x-rays, nothing was discovered to be fractured. I was worried about my hands and wrist because I so badly wanted to be able to do everything I can to take care of the baby. Today I'm working on getting back in the saddle - we drove to my six-week postpartum visit, and I will walk to the mailbox with him later today.

When we were at the hospital, I told Rob I do not want to have anymore kids. This is terrible, to have your heart live outside of your body.

Wow, what a negative story so far, huh? Here's the upside: I am so grateful. I am grateful it wasn't worse. I am grateful my baby was fine and most concerned about his feeding time being messed with. I am grateful he was in a sling so my hands were somewhat free to break our fall (along with my face). I am grateful for Rob and his sense of humor. I'm grateful for my own mother's strength, who had to start her day by putting down her cat and end it by seeing her daughter and grandson in the ER. I am grateful I am able to force myself to get out today, because the alternative of hiding from the world would not do any of us any good.

Yesterday really sucked, guys. Today is better.

Rest in peace, Charlie.

2011-04-13T10:13:00.004-04:00

Charlie was put to sleep this morning.

Charlie is my mother's cat, and he has been since I was 13 years old. He had been sick for almost two years now, and the vets never figured out what was ailing him. I'll spare you the details, but every few weeks, he would go through a bout of suffering. The episodes had been coming more frequently lately, and he had lost even more weight. My mother said he couldn't even walk last night, and the vet had trouble getting the needle in his vein because he was so dehydrated.

Charlie was one of the most awesome cats I have ever known. He always had a voracious appetite, and he even sat at the table with us one Christmas morning because he was so interested in our food. I told my mom that I am sure he is at an endless cat food buffet right now.

Charlie was one of the prettiest cats I have ever known. A Maine Coon, which probably also attributes to the friendliness. I wish I had taken more photos of him.

Charlie was hands down the friendliest cat I have ever know. He was so freaking friendly, you would not believe he was a cat. Charlie liked to hang out on the sidewalk in front of the house, and when strangers would walk by, he would flop on his back to expose his belly, demanding petting. As friendly as he was, he was most definitely my mother's cat. She used to joke that Charlie only liked her because she fed him, but the truth is, he just loved being with her. My mom knew that when Charlie couldn't even purr when he was with her that it was his time.

Love you, Charlie. We will miss you.

One month.

2011-04-02T22:30:00.001-04:00

Thank you Young House Love! I adore saving money and not having to keep track of onesie stickers for the next year.

Also, shh, but he was actually one month and two days old in this photo. It took Mommy a couple of days to get her act together. Worth it!

Motherhood so far.

2011-03-25T18:04:00.007-04:00

We are three weeks and two days in.

Sleep that lasts more than an hour and a half is a luxury.

I've worn my crazy curly hair in a braid every day since coming home from the hospital.

There are two robes I rotate between so one is in the wash and the other is on me.

We only leave the house for baby-related activities.

George's fussy times are still a mystery, but we are getting better at soothing him.

Breastfeeding is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

I am more appreciative of my own parents than ever before.

I am more in love with El Hub than ever before.

And it is taking me several hours to write this post.

Worth it.

In the days before the big due date, I kept thinking, "I can't wait to meet this kid." Now I am realizing that I will be meeting him in bits and pieces for the rest of our lives. Some of the things that bring me the greatest joy now are actually a preview of the future - his little gas smiles, when he accidentally finds my finger and grips it with his little hand, moments like those. Someday, his smiles will be real smiles, and his cuddles will be born from affection. I am doing my best to enjoy the now, but the future looks pretty awesome too.

Nothing like becoming a mom to make you appreciate yours.

2011-03-19T17:38:00.009-04:00

How is my baby two and a half weeks old now? I honestly do not know how I would have gotten through this time with Rob and Mom's monumental help. Recovering from delivery has not been a picnic, and I am convinced it is the universe's joke that we have to be in so much pain as we deal with the steep learning curve of taking care of a high-maintenance newborn (Sorry George! But it's true. Man, you sure know how to dirty a diaper right after we just changed it ten minutes ago). Add to that the fact that breastfeeding is not going well (four lactation consultations, one oral motor specialist, low milk supply, herbs and prescription medications, pumping, supplementing with bottles, people who go "Just switch to formula!" OH MY LORD this kid better be getting all those immunity benefits) and I am one tired new mama.

Which makes me appreciate my own mom that much more. Rob went back to work Monday and his thoughts of going back part-time the first few days did not pan out, so I am exceedingly grateful my mom was able to be with me during the day most of this week. She has enough on her own plate with her crazy busy job and looking after my dad, but she made the time to help me out this week. My mom held George when I needed rest, gave him the bottles that made me want to break down into tears, ran errands for us, prepared wonderful food, and helped keep the laundry and other household messes from exploding. Even more than that, she has been my cheerleader and assured me I am doing my best at the times when I needed to hear it the most. Who else but a mother, right?

So thank you, Mom. At a time when I am figuring out what kind of mother I want to be, I hope I can be as supportive of George as you have been to me my whole life.

Hi George.

2011-03-13T13:58:00.008-04:00

Hey hey baby George!

Born March 2, 2011
March 2, 2011
9:47 p.m.

It's been a wild eleven days. El Hub has been Super Daddy, and I am trying to get the hang of the breastfeeding thing (which involves lactation consultants, herbs, and googling "breastfeeding is hard" and "breastfeeding sucks" at 1 a.m. And 3 a.m. And 5 a.m.).

Cue a sleep-deprived rant from the mommy of an 11-day-old: I can't believe I'm writing this post. But the baby will be up soon, so no point in trying to nap when it takes me longer to fall asleep than it will take for him to wake up! Edit: Well, he actually woke up as I was typing that, so now I am back with a baby napping on my chest. Later, peeps.

Kitty-proofing comes before baby-proofing.

2011-02-28T07:48:00.009-05:00

I figure we have at least a few months before we need to worry about baby-proofing our rather baby-unfriendly home. Hey, we even have a head start thanks to the many outlet covers the previous owner left in the outlets when we bought this house nearly three years ago.

But in the meantime, we need to kitty-proof. Our cats are a heckuvalot more mobile than Butternut will be when we first bring him home. This seems like an impossible challenge when it comes to certain issues. Our cats? I love them. I really, truly, do love them. But they are kind of jerks.

That's Cutie. I've had her since I was twelve, so she is very, very old in kitty years. I luff her, but girl is driving me crazy.

Cutie's vices: Her history of bladder issues and her recent kidney failure diagnosis mean that Cutie likes to pee on the carpet. I can't even talk about this vice, it upsets me so much. The kidney failure leaves her nauseated, so she now constantly wants to be fed, but just a teeny tiny bit. She sheds. Her virtues: She's a cutie patootie. She comforts me like no other. She's quiet, or she was until the kidney failure made her her start crying for a wee bit of food a dozen times a day.

Here's Cole. He's about nine years old, and El Hub brought him into our relationship - or brought me into their relationship, which is how I think Cole views it sometimes. Those two have a love like no other, at least not like any I've seen between a person and a cat. Probably because Cole is way more like a dog than a cat - he lets El Hub hold him upside down, squish him, roughhouse with him, and Cole loves it. I luff Cole too, but he's making life with Cutie much more difficult, so he's driving me crazy too.

Cole's vices: Chews cords. Eats all food in sight, including human food, but more inconveniently, Cutie's special kidney failure food. This is why we have to keep her dish on top of the fridge instead of keeping it on the floor all the time, which is resulting in her habit of constantly yowling at us for food. Cole goes in ALL the litter boxes, which ticks Cutie off, which leads to her peeing on the carpet. He sheds. He yowls if a door has been closed until someone opens it (including bathroom doors, which can be kind of awkward). He yowls at night, wandering the house carrying toys in his mouth. His virtues: Super duper lovey. He goes IN the litter box, unlike Cutie. He brings us the toys he carries while yowling.

So yeah, it's going to be wildly fun adding Butternut to this mix! Can't wait! Except that I totally could! Especially if waiting meant I could have Butternut like right now, but the cats could just go away to some sort of lovely and free kitty spa for a little while so I could trade one kind of crying and mess for another kind of crying and mess! But that's not happening, sigh.

There are too many pet-proofing issues we are trying to tackle (including one I am still debating as overkill, an automatic door closer for the nursery to keep out the cat fur and related messes), but there's one in particular I want to share. Due to Cole's hatred of being separated from El Hub and closed doors and his very loud yowling to let us know his feelings, we have concluded we will have to continue letting him sleep in our bedroom once we bring Butternut home. However, we had also hoped to have the kiddo sleep in a bassinet in our bedroom for the first couple of months as well, and we have no idea how the cats will feel about this intruder.

Enter Mission: Keep Cats Out of the Bassinet.

This totally adorable Mickey Mouse playard (the Graco Element Pack 'N Play Playard) goes great in our bedroom. Or at least, it fits, which frankly is the most important thing for a piece of furniture that will be temporary. It has a bassinet and a changing pad and all sorts of fanciness that better come in handy at 3 a.m. when our three week old baby is squawking at us.

So, cute playard, or...

...diabolical kitty trap?

Yes, those are sheets of cardboard with double-sided packing tape on them. When the cats decide to jump into the playard - which, undoubtedly, they will, because cats are magnetically attracted to things that are new and cat fur-free - they will get an unpleasantly sticky surprise. Hopefully the immediate punishment of landing on sticky cardboard will discourage them from jumping in there once Butternut is chilling on his super soft sheets.

So far, it seems to have worked with Cole. I was not there to witness it, but last night I heard a shout from El Hub before the sound of Cole running. I asked if he thought he needed to yell or if the cat was unhappy enough over the tape itself, and he thinks that Cole was plenty displeased to find himself stuck. Luckily, he was able to free himself and has not tried to jump in the playard since. Now I am just waiting for Cutie to learn the same lesson, and then I will call this mission complete.

Well hey, check "place for the baby to sleep" off the list.

2011-02-14T07:34:00.007-05:00

Lookie here!

It's a nursery! That nursery I alluded to showing off at our baby shower but then didn't show you any pictures of!

And a cat checking out said nursery since the door is usually never open in an effort to discourage an explosion of fur all over freshly washed baby things.

This has been a long time in the making. The painting alone - oh man - took Rob seven weeks and five separate painting sessions. No, I am not sure why it took so many painting sessions. I kilzed and painted my office THE NIGHT BEFORE WE MOVED IN, so you can bet your bottom that Rob had to endure my whining "Whyyyyyyy is it taking so long?" on many more occasions than I would like to admit. But don't feel too badly for him, he's a smart one so I think this was all part of a nefarious plan to get himself out of painting duty for the rest of our lives together. I will say that the nanosecond he declared the painting finished, he promptly started putting together the crib. Fingers crossed that he is that on top of changing diapers.

If you're shocked that I, the bibliophile, do not have more children's books - well, so am I. But they're expensive, and I am frugal, so some time soon I will be hitting up some used book stores to see what I can add to the shelves.

See that fancy schmancy light switch above the bookcase? That might be Rob's favorite addition to the room. It's a Lutron 300-Watt White 7-Speed Combination Fan and Light Control - say that five times fast. Basically, what it means to me is that I can dim the lights AND control the fan from our one little light switch, which I imagine will be handy once Butternut arrives.

The room doesn't really have a theme other than "Make Me Happy to Look At." So it shouldn't surprise you that teal shows up, or that there are Disney items in the room.

And why yes, that is a collection of Figment dolls. He's my favorite Disney character, before even Donald.

Disney touches - on the right is a giclée called "Art Attack" by Trevor Carlton and Stephen Reis that I picked up at Downtown Disney's Festival of the Masters a few years ago. Man, I miss their live performance that Disney used to host. Bring it back, Festival of the Masters planners!

Also, on top of the armoire (which is way too cluttered, but cut me a break, I'm too tired to sort out the knickknacks right now at 35 weeks and 5 days pregnant), there is a large stuffed Dumbo that was mine when I was a toddler. There is a great photo of me at age two or three struggling to hold this mammoth Dumbo as my dad holds me in front of the castle. I can't wait to recreate that photo someday with our son.

Owning up: this was completely inspired by Young House Love's asymmetrical photo arrangement. I loved it so much that I did it in our sitting room/front room area of our house as well. And yeah, I was inspired to the point of putting up the old school style portraits of myself and Rob, one each from our childhoods. D'aww, we were adorable.

A few more Disney touches: Disney scrapbook paper (the Buzz Lightyear and the comics papers), the Baby Mickey shower invitation done by our fabulous shower hostess Kelly, a photo of Mickey balloons in front of Cinderella's Castle at the Magic Kingdom that I took last year, a Donald Duck postcard, and a clipping of a Mickey Mouse painting from an old Festival of the Masters program.

Who doesn't love Venn diagrams? And DIY art? I whipped this up in Photoshop after googling Venn diagram tutorials.

I miss Disney. We live a half hour away but haven't been since January 2010. This was the first year after several that I missed the Food and Wine Festival, and I WAS PREGNANT. What better time is there to gorge yourself on good food?

I wonder how much our little boy will look like Rob when he was a toddler? We were both blonde the first several years of our lives, so I will definitely be surprised if Butternut comes out brunette. Uh, or better yet, redhead.

Another place I have to credit Young House Love - the crib. They had the same concerns that I did about solid wood, non-toxic finish, and affordability. Thanks for doing the research for me, guys!

The Dirty Details:
Paint above of the chair rail - Behr's Cool Jazz
Paint below the chair rail - Behr's Intense Teal
Crib - Baby Mod's Park Lane
Dresser and armoire - my childhood furniture, thanks Mom and Dad!
Lamp - Target's Room Essentials 5 head Floor Lamp
Circle mirrors
Brown round storage ottoman - Target (not available online)
Chair - IKEA Poang chair found via Craigslist
Bookcase - formerly my parents' and then it lived in my office for a bit - thanks Mom and Dad!
Curtains - I made them, woot woot!
Light switch - Lutron 300-Watt White 7-Speed Combination Fan and Light Control
Donald Duck painting - "Art Attack" giclée by Trevor Carlton and Stephen Reis

Baby shower, AKA an excuse to gather together to ooh over cute baby stuff.

2011-01-17T20:31:00.002-05:00

Baby showers, yay! Coed baby showers where I don't have the be the sole subject of attention, double yay! Coed baby showers at our house where we can show off the nursery, triple yay! Coed baby showers at our house where a ton of our friends and family gather together to celebrate their love for us and our unborn Butternut, quadruple yay!

So yes, I must say I enjoyed our baby shower this past weekend. My advice to mamas-to-be regarding having the shower at your house - only do this if you want to guarantee being exhausted. Our super awesome hostess came in from out of town and whipped most of it into shape with the help of family and friends that came over beforehand, but there were still issues that cropped up and things that only I could clean up. So. Bear that in mind. And maybe eat something sugary to help you cope. That's what I did.

"Gooooooood diaper cake." *pat pat pat*

Good times, people. I had never been to a coed baby shower before, but I knew I wanted one because I couldn't imagine celebrating the impending addition to our family without having the guys in our lives there as well as the ladies. It made the event feel a little more casual, but I absolutely adored that about the day. The event reminded me a bit of our wedding - all these people coming together to celebrate and share their love with us. But I got to wear more comfortable clothes. WOOHOO!

Now Butternut just needs to make his actual appearance. Maybe by then I will have written the thank you cards.

Bam!

2011-01-13T08:48:00.001-05:00

I haven't posted any bump photos here yet, so here you go. And here's a conversation I had with my doctor yesterday at my 31 week checkup while he was watching the baby do his full-belly earthquake dance:

OB: "Wow...those are some REALLY big movements."
Me: "Yup. I know. Believe me, I know."
OB: "That looks uncomfortable. How do you sleep?"
Me: "I don't."
OB: "I'm not surprised."

VALIDATION. Thanks, doc.

Greeting the new year with pictures of the old.

2011-01-01T18:40:00.007-05:00

One of the ways I like to greet the new year is by creating an album of the past year. I bought several albums in the same style a few years ago, and I've been painstakingly adding and captioning 240 for every year since 2006. I love the finished result, but I love the process even more. It's a great way to look over the past year, both the good and the bad, as I don't shy away from including visits of the sad moments.

The cover is the most difficult part. Going from 240 favorites to just five or six is the challenge. Once I've narrowed it down to that select few, I use Picasa's collage feature to pull it all together. Then I send off 241 photos to be printed, and spend a few hours sorting them and writing the little notes that expand on the thousand words each picture already says for itself. I just sent off the 2010 photos, and I can't wait to get to the next part.

So, hello 2011. I can't wait to see what your collage looks like this time next year.

Happy Holidays!

2010-12-25T10:04:00.004-05:00

Merry Christmas! We're enjoying trees lit up, classic Disney cartoons with a holiday theme (courtesy of the "Holiday Celebration with Mickey & Pals" DVD), El Hub made breakfast, and there's a kiddo kicking away in my belly. I hope you're having a lovely morning as well.

A couple of days ago I threw out the idea that we could do a homemade breakfast on Christmas morning, since we aren't due to make the family rounds until the afternoon. El Hub made it happen, even after the first three stores we went to on Christmas Eve were closed. Thank you 7-11 for being open and for having pancake mix and syrup!

Lists that say a lot but basically boil down to me being awesome.

2010-12-08T19:20:00.009-05:00

I would like to preface this post with this thought: I am freaking awesome. Continue on to find out why.

Projects I've completed around the house during these past few weeks when I have clearly begun nesting*:

Cleaned off the dining room table and found a home for everything on it
Set up the two curio cabinets with their shelves and new, non-broken dowels and put knickknacks in them to display
Moved a bookcase from the living room to be with its matching curio cabinet the dining room, cleaned it out, and put dining room-appropriate knickknacks in it
Dealt with absolutely everything on the floor of our bedroom that didn't belong there and found a home for it all
Tackled the master bathroom and got rid of five bags worth of hair products, makeup, and random toiletries
Cleaned out the guest bathroom to make a clean slate for Butternut's arrival and eventual takeover
Literally emptied the pantry and got rid of an embarrassing amount of expired food
Cleaned out the kitchen cabinets and sorted through all our small appliances, cleaning supplies, cutlery, etc.
Whipped the junk drawer and junk cabinet in our kitchen into shape
Reorganized the living room media center
Tackled the mountain of papers on the living room desk and filed everything
Sorted my nail polish collection and gave away a third of it
Perpetually reorganized my office, which is where a lot of random stuff from elsewhere in the house made its way during this process
Started plotting out the arrangement for the photo frame mosaic for the nursery
Sorted the baby stuff we've received so far and stored them in a laundry basket in the nursery closet
Sorted stuff in the garage for Goodwill donations and straightened up the shelves
Decorated the Christmas tree
Decorated the rest of the house with Christmas stuff
Wrapped Christmas gifts
Wrote and mailed holiday cards
Donated a TON of stuff to Goodwill
Sold a couple of bookcases via Craigslist
Sold our old television via Craigslist
Cleaned out El Hub's car (why I did his and not mine, I have no clue)

And that's on top of my usual day job, the most amazing sinus infection ever, exercising regularly, physical therapy for my neck injury from that car accident in June, my other health issues, and oh, BEING PREGNANT. Which is really hard work, ask any woman who has been pregnant.

Projects I still need to wrap up before I can put my feet up:

Master Bedroom

Sort jewelry (sure to be difficult thanks to all the history I attach to each piece)

My Office

Sort photos (same issue as jewelry)
Buy curtains and curtain rod

El Hub's Office

Buy curtains and curtain rod

Nursery

Buy curtains and curtain rod
Put up a decorative clothesline - Buy two hooks, clothespins, twine, and decorative paper (and glue?)
Make a no-sew crib skirts - buy fabric, stick-on velco and Heat N’ Bond Ultra Hold hem tape
Hang photo frames. And maybe put stuff in them
Find a green or teal lumbar pillow for the IKEA Poang chair
Find and hang a mirror over the crib
Buy wrapping paper and use it to line drawers
Buy drawer knobs to switch out the old hardware on the dressers

My Car

Clean it out (don't want mine to feel neglected after I took care of El Hub's)

Projects I can't do a darn thing about until El Hub paints the nursery:

Nursery

Everything in the nursery.

Projects on El Hub's Honey Do List, which he has forbade me from even mentioning to him:

Nursery

Finish painting
Hang curtain rod
Install blinds
Put together crib
Install light switch

Attic

Fix the evil rattling that happens whenever the heater is on, conspiring to make sleep even more difficult for me.

Living Room

Pick up the coffee table from my mom's house to bring here

Garage

Clean out tools/odds and ends shelves
Move one of the shelves to make room for the freezer in the next item.
Pick up the freezer at my mom's house to bring here so I can start making freezer-friendly foods in preparation for Butternut's arrival

El Hub's Office

Install curtain rod and curtains
Install blinds
Deal with the many boxes piled up.

My Office

Install curtain rod and curtains
Install blinds

*nesting, aka a convenient phrase for realizing, "OH MY GOSH, there's going to be a little person in the house soon who is going to make this place look and function about as well as if a bomb had been dropped here."

The Thing Is by Ellen Bass

2010-12-07T20:42:00.002-05:00

Thank you to Mighty Girl Maggie for introducing me to this poem.

The Thing Is

to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you’ve held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.

(From Mules of Love, via The Writer’s Almanac.)

Who doesn't listen to music while cleaning?

2010-11-28T14:33:00.004-05:00

*quiet scene on the couch, each of us on our respective laptops*

El Hub: What are you going to do?
Me: Huh?
El Hub: Are you about to do something?
Me: Uh, I was going to sweep, mop, and finish sorting my paperwork... Why?
El Hub: You're sorting a ton of music in iTunes. That usually means it's "Serious Victoria Project Time."
Me: Oh. Well. Yes.

He knows me.

Simplifying Life: The Pantry Edition

2010-11-22T08:16:00.004-05:00

I honestly don't know if it is the phenomenon of "nesting" that has me going crazy with our house, or if it is simply the the realization that our lives are going to become exponentially more complicated once this kiddo joins us in the world outside my womb. Either way, the reality is that I am experiencing an intense urge to clean out our house, set up organization systems, and decorate the areas I have neglected since we moved in over two years ago. An excellent example from this weekend alone I finally set up the curio cabinet that had been sitting empty with the glass shelves disassembled. I also tackled quite a few other projects and have many more on my list, and I plan to share those that I found especially valuable.

Before: The pantry. A disorganized, cluttered sty.

Like this project. One of my personal development goals is to learn more about cooking, and one part of being successful in that endeavor is having a kitchen that actually functions. Our cabinets and pantries are bursting at the seams with hand-me-downs, gifts, and items we thought would work for us but didn't. The cabinets will probably not get sorted out until I can get El Hub to help me out with installing a certain storage device, but the pantry? That I could tackle immediately.

Everything that was in the pantry. Eek.

And I did. I started by taking everything in the pantry, out. Spreading everything out allowed me to see it all and sort it all. This made it so much easier to sort like with like, set aside items to be donated, and trash expired food.

Expired food.

And there was a lot of expired food. It was depressing, humbling, and a learning experience. So much wasted food, either because we could see what we already had, lacked the cooking skills or motivation to make it. My mother also has a bad habit of bringing us random food that isn't the type we would ever usually want to eat, so that food languishes when it should be donated instead. I cannot stop my mother from bringing us stuff, but I can organize what we have so we can plan meals effectively and stop buying duplicates (and get on top of donating whatever food we know we will not be eating). Yes, I feel shame, both for not eating it or donating it prior to expiration, and also for my limited cooking skills stopping me from using some of these items in the first place. I hope this will serve as motivation to live differently in the future, and I still feel very proud of the end result.

After: The pantry officially cleaned out and ready for action.

In the end, we have an organized, functional pantry with clearly delineated areas for different foodstuffs. Beverages on the floor, small appliances on the first shelf, baking supplies on the second, breakfast and storage items on the third, pasta and random meal-in-a-box type supplies on the fourth, and plastic utensils (for our Game Night parties) on the top.

After: Cutie approves of the newly reorganized lazy susan.

Above is the lazy susan that I cleaned out at the same time, and it is divided into soups, broths, and El Hub's lunch snacks. It was much easier to tackle all the food-related areas of the kitchen in one go.

Every time we come back from food shopping, there is no struggle to put away groceries since everything has a "home" and there is room to grow in the future as I work on my goal of cooking more. Simplicity accomplished.

Simplifying Life: The Living Room Media Center Edition

2010-11-15T07:55:00.006-05:00

I honestly don't know if it is the phenomenon of "nesting" that has me going crazy with our house, or if it is simply the the realization that our lives are going to become exponentially more complicated once this kiddo joins us in the world outside my womb. Either way, the reality is that I am experiencing an intense urge to clean out our house, set up organization systems, and decorate the areas I have neglected since we moved in over two years ago. An excellent example from this weekend alone I finally set up the curio cabinet that had been sitting empty with the glass shelves disassembled. I also tackled quite a few other projects and have many more on my list, and I plan to share those that I found especially valuable.

Before: Living Room Media Center with our old television, stand, and bookcases.

Like this one. This is unfortunately the best true "before" photo of our living room I have. You can see our old TV and the oak bookcase on the right (not pictured is the matching one on the left). It was not our style and El Hub had been hankering for a new TV for a long time, so for his birthday several weeks ago we bought a new television, stand, and bookcases.

Halfway point with the new television and stand but with the old bookcases.

That first one was a pathetic before picture. Here, have another one, this one from when we were partway through switching out the old furniture for the new. Again, this happened several weeks ago, but it wasn't until recently that I was able to take the time to properly organize everything.

Before: Living Room Media Center with items haphazardly shoved on the shelves.

For the purposes of this project, this is an appropriate "before" photo. We had all of the furniture in place but had not yet taken the time to figure out a long-term solution that would keep everything organized and pleasing to the eye. So I made a quick trip to Target before buckling down for a few hours...

After: Living Room Media Center looking sleek and sex-ay.

...resulting in this. One of the fastest projects I have worked on so far with one of the biggest payoffs. The "after" looks a million times better, and for the amount of time we spend in the living room, it is wonderful to be able to look at something so much more visually appealing. For $28, I snagged four multi-tasking storage cubes that give a pop of color as well as hidden storage. I went with red to make the retro-pop Mickey painting (a giclee edition of a painting by Trevor Carlton and Stephen Reis) stand out more and brighten up all the dark furniture. These storage cubes were the perfect price and they provide the perfect amount of hidden storage. Right now, one holds video game controllers, another holds Nintendo Gameboy and DS equipment, the third holds batteries, and the fourth is empty to give us room to grow.

And speaking of growing, this setup will easily grow to accommodate a curious toddler who wants to grab everything within reach. The top shelves intentionally only hold decorative items that can be shifted to the top of the bookcase, then everything else can move up one shelf. We will snag four more storage cubes that can hide our Gummi Bear's toys and stuffed animals.

Other than that, it was simply a matter of going through all the DVDs and sorting like with like (of course, there's a Disney shelf full of movies!). It looks cleaner and easier on the eyes, so for a couple of hours of my time and $28 for our storage solution, I consider this well worth it.

The seemingly impossible search for seating for the nursery.

2010-11-08T19:58:00.010-05:00

Why, why, why are gliders so ugly? The exposed wood screams nursery, which doesn't bode well for the furniture's future in our house. The padding tends to read as dated. And the cost! I refuse to spend $300 or more for something I would only use for a few years since it would never be allowed to live outside of our kiddo's room.

I'm sure it is uber comfortable, but I just do not want to spend that much money on something I will loathe looking at every day.

So, I have been on the hunt for a safe, comfortable, aesthetically appealing, budget-friendly seating solution for the nursery. Safe, since it seems like a good idea to minimize the number of doctor and hospital visits for my future kiddo. Comfortable, since I like to actually sit in seats, and if it is uncomfortable, then I do not sit very long. Aesthetically appealing, since I am a picky, picky lady. And budget-friendly because, well, I try not to make my credit card cry TOO much.

I was hoping to magically find the perfect solution when El Hub and I were registering at Babies "R" Us the other day. In fact, I did end up registering for the Newco Jayden Upholstered Recliner after 1) sitting in it, 2) being wowed at the all-in-one design with the popout foot rest, and 3) not going into cardiac arrest at the site of the price. But after sitting in it and reading the reviews and remembering I want to use a nursing stool instead of an ottoman-style footrest, I still think it's pretty pricey for the quality, comfort, and aesthetics, so I think I will end up taking it off the registry.

Newco Jayden Upholstered Recliner

Everything else at BRU was too pricey for my liking, so that leaves regular furniture stores and, of course, the internet. And, of course, which option have I pursued? The internet, because I am tired and vastly prefer shopping from the comfort of my couch. Searches for non-ugly gliders lead me a few options, including the Urban Outfitters Mid-Century Rocker, Ikea's Poang Rocking Chair, and Dorel Monaco Bentwood Rocking Chair.

Urban Outfitters Mid-Century Rocker

Ikea's Poang Rocking Chair

Dorel Monaco Bentwood Rocking Chair

I love, love, love the look of the mid-century rocker, but it has its downsides just like every other choice. The cushions like the play slip and slide, but I would happily slap on some velcro before calling it a day. A more considerable concern is that the back does not go up very high, so it is not possible to rest your head. As one reviewer commented, that is a feature exhausted parents might desperately want during those 3 a.m. feedings.

The IKEA and Dorel rockers are certainly more to my visual liking than most options, but I cannot say I love them as much as the mid-century rocker. I just feel a bit meh about them. The price is nicer (especially the Dorel), but not even that has me hopping up and down for either of them screaming, "YAY! MY CHAIR SOULMATE!" 'Cause they're not. We'd eventually hit some tough times in our relationship and get a Craigslist divorce, which completely annihilates my goal of finding a piece of furniture that would have a permanent spot in our home.

So, any recommendations? Help a gal out here.

An enticing buffet, I hope.

2010-11-01T21:36:00.001-04:00

Cutie and I have been together her entire 16 years, and I am very sad to say she was diagnosed with kidney failure on Friday. I've gotten her different prescription foods and I am trying to find something she will be willing to it, hence this little buffet. Unfortunately, she's still not really eating too much in one go, less than a quarter of a can. Her medication we started her on Friday was upsetting her stomach, so hopefully this new one she started today won't do such a terrible number on her stomach.

Someone said to me this weekend that I must have been preparing myself for her eventual demise, but honestly? No. I've always said she needs to live forever. When it comes to Cutie, at heart I am still just the selfish, nearsighted kid I was when I adopted her. Kidney failure isn't a "painful" condition, which makes me glad, but I am afraid of trying to understand the line where her malaise becomes too much.

Until then, my life will be cleaning her bodily functions from the carpet, trying to find food she's willing to eat, and possibly learning how to administer water under her skin (picture my reaction when the vet told me that. Hint: I was confused at first). Hers will hopefully be comfortable. Wish me luck on figuring out how to achieve that.

Love you, Cutie.

Hello, Monday and goodbye, vacation.

2010-10-18T21:28:00.001-04:00

El Hub and I just got back from a seven-day cruise vacation. Royal Caribbean's Radiance of the Seas with stops in George Town, Grand Cayman; Costa Maya, Mexico; Belize City, Belize; and Cozumel, Mexico.

I like to cruise. It is my preferred method of travel, the excitement of beautiful locales with the added bonus of lots of downtime. But people, there was not enough downtime on this last cruise. I guess the pregnancy, on top of everything else, just conspired to make me even more in need of rest.

I did my best to rest, and I did my best to enjoy the vacation. I think I succeeded.

Happy anniversary to me and El Hub - two years last Monday. It was a wonderful way to celebrate our marriage, on a beautiful trip with a little Gummi Bear kicking it up.

Photo from our first at sea day on our way to Grand Cayman.

What's this?

2010-09-14T23:38:00.002-04:00

IZZA BEBBIE!

Or a Gummi Bear, as we like to call the baby. I have to say that I am very grateful to be pregnant, to be pregnant with Rob's offspring, to be pregnant with a seemingly healthy baby (and I have had a lot of ultrasounds to document this), and I am grateful that we have every reason to hope that I will be giving birth to a healthy baby in March 2011.

It has not been an easy road, but I am unspeakably grateful to be where I am.

Vital stats? 14 weeks pregnant. First trimester has been a cavalcade of my own physical misery tempered by good news after good news about the baby's development. Still working on my own health now that I am in the second trimester, but I am enjoying this period of lessened morning sickness before I get too big to move around easily.

Mark in the ICU after open heart surgery.

2010-08-29T19:58:00.002-04:00

The past few days have been very trying for our family, but certainly the most trying on my brother Mark. Imagine waking up one day, going to the doctor for what you think is a pulled muscle, and being told you're having a heart attack and need to go to the hospital immediately.

Life changes very fast sometimes, fast enough to (literally, if you're me in my car accident in June) give you whiplash, but it's a certain kind of strangeness to have it change while you're totally aware of it.

Mark has my admiration and respect. His strength (and his sense of humor!) during a time like this is something I hope I remember for the rest of my life.

Fortunately, he is no longer in the CVICU and now he is on the regular floor with the other cardio patients. We're hoping he will get to go home on Monday or Tuesday. That's when the hard, lifelong work of recovery begins.

Thank you all for your well wishes.

National television debut, all in the name of pie.

2010-04-26T13:27:00.002-04:00

Check out the 1:40 mark for my national television debut in which I reveal that I eat way too much pie. El Hub and I went to the Great American Pie Festival this weekend with friends and family, and we were interviewed by the Early Show on CBS. Our family and friends' interviews were cut, poor guys, but I was deemed awesome enough to have a sound bite.

Beautiful Baby Boy Ben portraits.

2010-01-29T01:35:00.006-05:00

If only I could have thought of a feasible synonym for "portraits" that started with a B, then the alliteration in my title would have been complete.

Today I had a wonderful session with Allison and her (beautiful baby boy) Ben! It was a blast. Both mom (and baby!) were up for anything - I honestly don't remember ever knowing such a mellow little dude as this one.

Thank you, Allison and Anthony for letting me take photos of Ben!

A different sort of wedding flowers.

2010-01-19T22:15:00.002-05:00

Our wedding in October 2008 has been on my mind lately - or, my wedding dress has been, since I'm trying to get up the motivation to sell it. I'm not the sort of person to hold onto the dress for sentimental reasons - I have tons of lovely photos of me in the dress for that.

I had almost forgotten about this picture. These are hair pins that I bought for the wedding, not realizing they didn't quite go with the champagne shade of my dress. Just a relic, hanging around my office. It's too bad they never got their turn to be worn, but they're not my style. Perhaps I should throw them in as a freebie for whoever buys my wedding dress. This is what I wrote about the hair pins when I received them, before I had compared them to the dress:

"I'm picky about how I like my flowers. I only want them in my home if they're in a vase, not adorning my walls or my bedspread or my keychain or any other place you can slap an applique. But I love these hair pins.

"But I love these hair pins. I think the color will match my dress perfectly, and the pearl in the center will match the pearls I will wear (appropriate for my June birthday as well).

"No clue how I am doing my hair yet. I am waiting for the two-tier veil to come in so then I can do a hair trial with my stylist."

I love time traveling through my photography and writing.

A flower with your Thai food.

2010-01-18T23:07:00.002-05:00

El Hub and I went to lunch at SEA Thai today, and anyone who knows me will not. Find. This. Shocking. Seriously, we go at least twice a week. The staff knows us by sight and brings us our "usual." I would go more often if El Hub and my wallet weren't stopping me. Man, I love SEA Thai. I went from Thai food mild spicy skeptic to hot spicy enthusiast thanks to this restaurant. If you're in the Orlando area, I highly recommend it.

I dragged out my Nikon 55-200mm VR telephoto lens yesterday to challenge myself. The minimum of 55mm has always felt stiflingly close, so forget about kicking it up to 200mm! Plus my 35mm lens is so wonderfully fast that it suits my indoor photography. I didn't have room to do more than 55mm at SEA Thai today with this flower, but I did get a nice DoF by blurring out the wine rack in the background. I didn't like the coloring of the original, so I tweaked it to give it a softer edge.

Taken on a Nikon D40.

Photo originally taken on January 18, 2010 at at SEA Thai in Orlando, Florida.

Photo posted on the same day.

2nd Annual Parramore Kidz Zone College Night.

2010-01-14T11:40:00.002-05:00

Last night's second annual Parramore Kidz Zone (PKZ) College Night was fantastic.

During one of our PKZ tours in Parramore, a large group of teens were asked, "How many of you want to go to college? Raise your hand." Every single hand went up.

Those same youth were then asked, "How many of you think you're going to go to college?"

Only a few hands remained in the air.

PKZ is an amazing project. We want to see more of those hands in the air. Last night I think we saw a few more go up.

Click here more information on the City of Orlando's Parramore Kidz Zone project.

Taken on a Nikon D40.

Photo originally taken on January 13, 2010 in the Parramore community of Orlando, Florida.

Photo posted on January 14, 2010.

A view of the Little Mermaid.

2010-01-09T21:12:00.002-05:00

My father was almost as excited about our honeymoon as Rob and I were just before we left. My dad traveled all over the world before his strokes thanks to his job, and all my life he's wished for me to see the sights he has seen. He also shares my love of stories and reading, so he wanted me to see the Little Mermaid statue. This homage to Danish author Hans Christian Andersen's story of the little mermaid was well worth seeing.

She was smaller than I expected - more the size of an actual young teenage girl than the giant statue I had envisioned. And she was a little sad in her posture and the way her view gazed. But it makes sense - this is Hans Christian Andersen's mermaid, not Disney's.

Taken on a Nikon D40.

Photo originally taken on September 14, 2009 in Copenhagen, Denmark.

Photo posted on January 9, 2010.

Hello 2010.

2010-01-01T16:38:00.003-05:00

A year has gone by. When I first began trying to think of what I had done this past year, it paled in comparison to 2008 - moving to Tallahassee, getting engaged, buying a house, graduating with my master's degree, getting a job, and getting married. But the more I thought about it and looked over my writings and photographs, I realized that this was a year of growth instead of simply change.

January 2009

Oh, January. We had just gotten married a couple of months before and been through the whirlwhind of splitting holidays between our families. I think I may have spent much of this month in a stupor. I did try to wake up enough to snap this photo of the cats being sweet to one another for a change.

Once we got our pictures back after our wedding, I started working feverishly on a photo album we could gift as a gift to our families. I ended up only finishing Rob's mother's in time to give it to her for Christmas - this one pictured below is the copy I made for my parents. Blurb.com is awesome and I highly recommend them for your book-making needs.

I met Orlando Magic player Dwight Howard at a work event. Normally I don't ask celebrities for a photo, especially not when working, but I knew my dad was going to geek out big time over this. And I was right. Whenever anyone visits him, he points out this picture that I gave him. Thank you, Dwight, for taking this picture with me - you made my dad a very happy person.

February 2009

Our dating anniversary is February 12th, which Rob says I am not allowed to celebrate now that we are married. Conveniently, Valentine's Day is only two days later, so I will settle for just pretending we celebrate both together. He sent me flowers this year.

The note reads, "I love you so much. Having you in my life makes me truly happy."

Later in the month we went to the AMC Best Picture Showcase for the 2009 Oscar Nominees. Rob and I had one of our first few dates at the very first AMC Best Picture Showcase in 2009. It's an exhausting day of movie after movie, but we've been every year because we enjoy it so much. I wonder if they will do it again this year now that there are 10 nominees. I can't imagine how it will work, but I am hopeful.

Our friends Gibby and Damian joined us for part of the marathon. People tend to drop in and out - 12+ hours at a movie theater can be a little too taxing.

Rob trying to punch my camera? Give it daps? Show off his wedding ring? I'm going to go with the punch, seeing as it drives him up a wall when I take pictures of him.

Spent a day in Safety Harbor with Rob's family.

March 2009

For more than a decade, I had I been coping with chronic earaches and sore throats. No one ever had an answer, and the earache pain especially could be incapacitating at times. An ENT recommended I undergo a couple of days of allergy testing. Yeah, I'm allergic to a lot of stuff. I ended up not going for the allergy shots they recommended because I would have to go to their office every week to have them administered and the cost was overwhelming. Plus, I had another plan up my sleeve that I hoped would be more effective than shots, which you'll see a bit more about down in May's slot.

We watched a shuttle launch from our backyard.

Major work project finally came to a conclusion - building a playground in one day. It was an exhilarating day.

Finally got a picture with the Mayor.

Continued taking photos as a (smaller than I would like) part of my job.

When we moved into our house, Rob tasked me with decorating it. It was a slow process for the typical reasons such time, money, and energy, but also a lack of inspiration. The front area of our house was the first to come together, and this is our freshly cleaned and tidied dining room, sitting room, and foyer just before a party we hosted.

More decorating. The cost of home decor annoys me. The cost of a lot of things annoys me. So I went the DIY route for a large painting to place over our couch in the living room.

The party was a game night party - myself and a couple of other friends try to take turns hosting.

April 2009

Spent a day at Disney's Hollywood Studios. I love Disney and I wish we spent more time there.

Spent a day in Safety Harbor celebrating Easter with Rob's family.

Rob joined me at a free art workshop sponsored through my work. We opted to do the pottery instead of the photography walk.

May 2009

We spent a day at Epcot to enjoy their Annual Flower and Garden Festival.

My point-and-shoot Canon broke - I pulled it out of my pocket to find the lens was permanently stuck halfway open and it would only take blurry pictures such as the one below. I sent it off to Canon and they quickly sent it back to me, good as new. Thank you Canon!

Remember those earaches I mentioned and how I decided not to go the allergy shot route, despite my numerous allergies? Instead I decided to go the surgery route. Out, out tonsils! It was a long, painful recovery, and unlike many other people, my second week was actually worse than the first. I lived on buttery, mushy noodles that would slide down my throat so I could avoid chewing and swallowing. And the earache during my recovery was worse than any other I had had. But after the recovery? I've only had two earaches since then. Two. I used to be in pain two weeks out of the month, easily. Best surgery ever.

My mom's cat Charlie went through a really bad health scare the week after my tonsillectomy. Charlie, we are very glad we still have you with us, and we are sorry you had to go through so much pain while the vets did their best to figure it out. Charlie on (one of) the rides home from the vet.

My friend Katie, her husband Mike, and their baby Addy were in town. We haven't seen them since their wedding, so this was a long overdue visit. It was Star Wars Weekends at Disney's Hollywood Studios, so this is Addy meeting her first Jedi Mickey as Katie smiles in the background.

June 2009

My birthday month! Rob got me my very first DSLR, my Nikon D40. It was the most basic DSLR on the market - I think we were both unsure how much I would use it and how much I would be willing to lug it around, so that was one of the reasons we went low-end. Plus, money. As it turns out, I take it with me everywhere. I love it. As you can see in this photo below, I hadn't quite figured out white balance yet (the reason why the photo is a warm yellowish tint). I've learned a lot with my D40 over the past several months.

Friends joined us at Kobe steakhouse to celebrate my birthday. Thank you guys!

July 2009

My sister-in-law moved herself and my niece and nephew to my parents' for the summer while my brother stayed in Texas to work and oversee the house as they tried to sell it. Rob and I took the kids to Magic Kingdom. Disney!!!

Ugh, teacups. I suffer from motion sickness, but this was one of the few rides that both of the kids were excited to go on. Rob maintained eye contact with me to keep me from getting too sick. It was surprisingly effective, and surprisingly hot. Thanks, Rob.

Friends who work in a downtown highrise helped me get in to take photos of Lake Eola. I was still painfully new to my D40 - if I had this shoot to do over again... C'est la vie.

August 2009

Took my first, and so far only, photography class.

Traveled to Tallahassee to visit my friend Kelly and celebrate her graduation with double graduate degrees. Congratulations, Kelly.

Katie and her family were in Orlando again, so we were able to hang out. And I got to have my picture taken with the adorable Addy.

I'm a native Floridian but had never gone to Kennedy Space Center to see a shuttle launch. I finally made it happen, with excellent timing seeing as there are only a few more launches left.

September 2009

Oh. Oh. This was a good month. This was the month of our honeymoon. I would love to time travel back to this and experience it all over again. Since that's not possible, I will settle for photos. See more pictures here.

And then we came to a house that our friends had "decorated." I think the streamers and post-its is the more mature version of TPing.

October 2009

This was a particularly memorable month too. We celebrated our first month wedding anniversary at the Gaylord Palms.

As a very special, lucky, unplanned (for which we will be forever grateful, thank you Mike S.!) part of our wedding anniversary celebration, we went to Disney's Yacht & Beach Club and got to ride on Breathless II, a replica of a 1920's Crisscraft speed boat.

I traveled to Clearwater for my friend Mara's bridal shower and bachelorette party. I was snapping away when the groom showed up and I was able to capture this perfect moment of him peeping in on the proceedings.

Halloween! My brother Michael sold the house and his family officially moved here, so we were able to go with them to take my niece and nephew trick or treating.

November 2009

My friend Mara whose bridal shower I attended the month before? I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. Beautiful wedding, and one of the coolest venues I have ever been to.

We went to Festival of the Masters with some friends - here they are, focusing on a drawing class. I've attended every Festival of the Masters since 2004. I miss the days when Stephen Reis and Trevor Carlton did their life performance painting.

My first non-work photography gig - the wedding of my friend Kelly's mother. It was a very last minute proposition, and I was ecstatic to be able to do this.

December 2009

My computer inconveniently died just before Thanksgiving. Rob had been plotting to buy me a Macbook Pro for Christmas, so my desktop's untimely demise sped things up a bit. It's my second Mac, but since I've only ever done my photo editing on a PC, it's still feeling like quite a switch.

I met up with my friends Gibby and Allison - Allison just had her first baby a few months ago, Ben pictured here with Gibby. So. Cute. I think Gibby agrees.

Rob and I got dolled up to his work's end of the year party.

We celebrated my dad's 74th birthday.

I took one of my favorite photos ever at a friend's 30th birthday party.

Christmas day! We made a point of starting the day with my family since its been ages since we had a Christmas with little kids around.

Then we traveled to Safety Harbor to celebrate a second Christmas with Rob's family.

So that's the wrap-up of my year, with loads of pictures to boot. I'm looking forward to 2010 and hoping it's the best one yet.

Happy New Year to you all.

Welcome to 2010.

2010-01-01T14:14:00.002-05:00

This may be the gaudiest (and consequently, one of my most favorite) ring I own. I love it. Doesn't it scream New Year's Eve? I wore it last night to honor the occasion.

Some of the family at Christmas.

2009-12-26T17:39:00.002-05:00

My brother's family, my mother, and in the background you can see my husband, bleary-eyed and disinterested in participating in picture-taking. We started the holiday at 8 a.m. at my parents' house - the kids very kindly agreed to wait until then to start ripping into their presents.

Merry Christmas!

Taken on a Nikon D40.

Photo originally taken on December 25, in Celebration, Florida.

Photo posted on December 26, 2009.

We put up our Christmas tree with a little help from Mickey.

2009-12-25T22:47:00.002-05:00

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, and a happy day to those who celebrate otherwise.

Today I had two Christmases, many lovely gifts, five hours riding in the car, one very excited little niece and one equally excited little nephew, a hearty breakfast of ham and cinnamon rolls lovingly made by my mother, a wonderful meal anxiously (and also lovingly) prepared by my sister-in-law for the first time for the holidays, and a cat coming home after two days missing.

Best of all, I had my family, whom I cherish.

And I also had photography! A photo or two will be forthcoming on my Flickr account http://flickr.com/victoriapictures

Goodnight!

Happy Holidays.

2009-12-24T16:21:00.000-05:00

"It's Christmas Eve. It's-it's the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we-we-we smile a little easier, we-w-w-we-we-we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year we are the people that we always hoped we would be."

-Frank Cross, from Scrooged (1988)

An army of Kiss Cookies.

2009-12-23T21:43:00.002-05:00

Ah, kiss cookies, how yummy you taste. My least favorite thing about baking is that I eat what I bake. Tomorrow it's cheesecake and Nutella pie making day (are you surprised? Our families like the baked good-eating ruts they are in).

I am going to make my husband take a bunch of these to work tomorrow. Hopefully whoever is there likes Kiss Cookies.

Ron on his 74th birthday.

2009-12-20T21:49:00.002-05:00

Today is my father's 74th birthday. We had a quiet little celebration at my parents' house. My eldest nieces even drove up from my hometown in southwest Florida to visit. My dad tuckered out pretty early on in the day, but I am sure he managed to enjoy the Nutella Pie I left behind.

Happy birthday, Dad. Love you.

My hard drive died, so here is a photo of me from back when I was a happy person with a working computer.

2009-11-22T12:55:00.002-05:00

This is a picture of me from a couple of weeks ago (and also the picture I used on the back of my moo cards), back when I was still carefree and had a working computer. Oh, how I miss those days!

My hard drive died on Friday. My wonderful husband did his best to revive it, but the best he could do was pull my files off of it. Which of course, I am insanely grateful for. So now we're trying to decide what to do next - just replace my hard drive? Get me a laptop? I have a four year old Powerbook that I have loved to pieces but has never had the processing power to handle the stress I put my desktop through when I'm editing photos, writing and doing research. So, get me a laptop and dock it at my dual monitors for when I want to do my heavier computing tasks? That's certainly the most (horrifyingly) expensive option, but it's also probably the most sensible for the long term. We're also thinking about getting a NAS to back up our data, which is a great opportunity for my husband to geek out.

Okay, enough emotional catharsis through writing, and on to the photo.

This is Straight Out Of the Camera. I went out in my backyard and played with sunlight. Depending on which direction I faced and how I angled my camera, I got some really neat effects. This one turned out with warm colors, and my hair looks very dark here. I had white balance set on auto because I got tired of re-measuring everytime I turned around, but on this one, I think it would have been useful as it would have toned down the warmth a smidge.

Mara and Franco's wedding reception.

2009-11-15T21:13:00.002-05:00

Last Thursday, I served as a bridesmaid in Mara and Franco's wedding. It was an honor to stand by them as they said their vows. In the midst of alternating happy tears and laughter, they did a reading from Corelli's Mandolin by Louise De Bernieres that I had never heard before:

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion... That is just being "in love," which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident."

Thank you for letting me be a part of your wedding, Mara and Franco!

Honeymoon: Rob looks out at Nyhavn in Copenhagen, Denmark.

2009-11-03T23:36:00.002-05:00

Honeymoon: Rob looks out at Nyhavn in Copenhagen, Denmark., originally uploaded by Victoria Shade.

Ah, you are going to see so many photos of my husband with the back of his head towards me. I enjoy taking photos of people - I like the capture the moment, the feeling, their existence in that very slice of time. Unfortunately, my husband is not a fan of having his photo frequently taken, so I have to try to be a little sly. I fail a lot as stealth is not one of my strongest traits, so there are many pictures of his hand in front of my camera lens.

But here he was jetlagged and enjoying the view from our room. We left Orlando around 2 p.m. on Saturday and landed in Copenhagen around 9 a.m. Sunday. When we arrived at Hotel Bethel on Nyhavn Road, it was too early for us to check into a room. Quite honestly, I passed out at a little table we waited at in their dining area.

Rob enjoyed the view and I enjoyed my picture taking for a few minutes before we promptly passed out in a jetlagged stupor. They were a wonderful few minutes, but boy, sleeping was pretty wonderful too.

Taken on a Nikon D40.

Photo originally taken on September 13, 2009, in Copenhagen, Denmark.

Photo posted on November 3, 2009.

The Groom-To-Be peeks in on the bridal shower.

2009-10-26T08:45:00.002-04:00

, originally uploaded by Victoria Shade.

I love, love, love this picture. Right place, right time, and the lighting was even kind of cooperating. And you all already know how I feel about bokeh, so the focus on him and the blurry background...it makes me go "yay!"!

My friend Mara is getting married in a few weeks, and her bridal shower and bachelorette party were Saturday. Her maid of honor, Amber, was completely rocking the shower, and in my role of bridesmaid I just did whatever Amber asked and took whatever opportunities I spotted to help out. The rest of the time I was - you guessed it - taking pictures.

This was during the gift opening portion of the bridal shower. Franco, Mara's fiancé, appeared in the corner of my eye. Quite the surprise, since I wasn't expecting him, but I ran with it and started snapping away. He ended up going into the room and hanging out for a bit before giving Mara her wedding gift - a spinning wheel. Mara's done knitting for years now, and thanks to Franco's gift she will be able to make her own yarn! I may not know much about knitting, but Mara was so happy that she did a little dance, so this must be major.

Congratulations and best wishes, Mara and Franco! I am so very much looking forward to being in your wedding in just a few weeks.

Honeymoon: Want to be on the plane, not looking at it.

2009-10-23T08:48:00.002-04:00

, originally uploaded by Victoria Shade.

And the honeymoon recap officially begins! We went on a fantastic two and a half week honeymoon a little under a year after we got married - and let me tell you, it was a nice way to do it. Although we both could have used a bit of a break after the wedding, we would have been too strapped for energy and money to enjoy the vacation the way we were able to be waiting until the right time for us.

And we did it right, all the way. We booked a 13 night Royal Caribbean cruise that took us from Copenhagen, Denmark all the way to Athens, Greece (including a stop in Tunis, Tunisia, so Rob can now say he's been to Africa!). Our ports were:

Copenhagen, Denmark
Amsterdam, Holland
Brugge, Belgium (port was Zeebrugge)
Paris, France (port was Le Havre)
La Coruña, Spain
Málaga, Spain
Tunis, Tunisia
Valleta, Malta

Now be honest with yourself, have you ever seen as diverse a cruise itinerary as that? I certainly haven't. We jumped on booking our reservation. We usually had a day at sea inbetween ports, so we had time to rest and relax before gearing up for the next stop. We traveled from Northern Europe through the Mediterranean without having to focus on travel logistics so we were able to simply enjoy our ports.

It was a beautiful honeymoon. And some of that you will see as I go through posting our photos highlighting the trip.

This particular photo I took at the Orlando International Airport as we were waiting to board our first flight of the trip. Rob was looking out the window at our plane, giddy in his own quiet way. I was channeling my giddiness by documenting the moment.

Taken on a Nikon D40.

Photo originally taken on September 12, 2009 at Orlando International Airport in Orlando, Florida.

Photo posted on October 22, 2009.

The power of the sound of a baby whining.

2009-10-15T23:54:00.002-04:00

I love dooce's blog because she's funny. (What can I say, that's all I ask for from my entertainment people, make me laugh. Now!) Her second baby is now four months old, and boy, dooce is even funnier when she's sleep deprived, but she's also mean-spiritedly aiming to give you seizures and make you prone to violence by listening to a clip of said four month old baby whining.

I was playing the audioclip on my laptop, and my husband, who was 1) on the other side of the house and 2) raiding in World of Warcraft with 3) his headphones on, jumped up from the computer to check on me because he thought I must have been in pain or having a nightmare.

That is the power of Marlo's whining.

Oh dooce, your blog posts even lead to funny times in my own home. You are GOOD!

Discovery Space Shuttle Launch at Kennedy Space Center.

2009-08-29T01:43:00.003-04:00

Tonight after 26 years in Florida, I finally saw my first space shuttle launch.

It was spectacular.

This is straight of the camera except for slight straightening (no tripod, what can I say).

Taken on a Nikon D40.

Photo originally taken on August 28, 2009 in Titusville at Kennedy Space Center.

Photo posted on August 29, 2009.

It should not be this difficult to find a pretty camera bag.

2009-08-16T22:11:00.005-04:00

Really, I am shocked at how difficult it is to find an attractive camera bag. We have the INTERNET. We have amazon.com. We have etsy. We have fifty bajillion amateur photographers out there like me who want to integrate their cameras into their daily life.

So why on earth can't I find a bag that can fit this need?

What I want? I want an attractive camera bag that isn't black, have enough room for my Nikon D40 and a spare lens, and doesn't look like a camera bag.

You know what most camera bags look like? Black. Bulky. Painfully rectangular. And instantly recognizable as a camera bag. Which isn't great if it's something you want to be able to tote everywhere with you.

I've been searching high and low, and the following is the list of options I've found to be available. I'll admit it - I even looked at diaper bags as an option (although none ended up being included here).

Lowepro seems reasonably priced and gets really great reviews. Sadly (for my convenience and my walet), I just can't appreciate the aesthetics for my lifestyle.
Search hard enough for pretty camera bags, and eventually you'll stumble upon Crumpler. Think twice before you go to their website as it's terribly flash-heavy. I think the 5 Million Dollar Home would suit my purposes well and leave enough room for me to use the bag as a purse as well. This style of bag would have been a great fit for me when I was doing the academic thing and got to run around in jeans and t-shirts all the time. Unfortunately, I can't picture myself carrying this bag to work, and it's also more than I would like to pay.
Jill.e Designs comes closest to the design in my head - their bags are actually pretty. They're a little on the larger side and not exactly my sort of pretty - they vaguely remind me of big brand names like Coach or Louis Vuitton or...those are the only two I can think of right now. I'm not much for those bags. I don't think I've ever spent - or wanted to spend - more than $40 on a purse. And if I thought Crumpler was expensive, then boy did Jill.e teach me I was wrong! But still. Jill.e. Pretty AND functional.
Perhaps at this point you're wondering what I use now. I use my purse. My husband shakes his head at this because I'm not the most graceful of people and my purse is not the most padded of carriers. So when I stumbled upon Domke inserts, I thought I might have found my solution. Already have a bag? Just get a domke insert, put it in your bag, and then put your camera in the insert in the bag. Since it's just a padded insert and not an entire bag, the price is very nice.
Unfortunately, what I would really like is smaller than the smallest Domke insert for a DSLR (there are smaller inserts than the one pictured, but they are just for lenses). If they could just chop off those two slots on the right... Sigh.

As I continued exploring Domke's offerings, I found out about a more versatile product: protective wrappings. Folds down flat when not in use, and can be wrapped around your DSLR when it's in the bag of your choice. Handy! I'm concerned it will be too bulky for me to tolerate every day, but I'm hoping it will be perfect for traveling, since we've got our belated honeymoon coming up next month.

No perfect solutions here, at least not for me, but some very solid options. If you have any suggestions, please let me know!

There he goes.

2009-07-27T21:09:00.002-04:00

There he goes., originally uploaded by Victoria Shade.

My dad is disabled. I know the politically correct protocol is to say he is a person with disabilities, but while I use that language for others thanks to the training ingrained in me during my time as a Disney cast member, it just never sunk in for when I talk about my dad.

He had a couple of strokes, one massive, back in 1975. He was in a coma for a couple of months. The doctors didn't think he would make it. But he did. Doesn't sound like a remarkable story, does it? But for my family it was, and for me even moreso, because I was conceived a few years after his strokes.

When I was a baby my family would go bicycle-riding. My mom would strap me into the baby chair on the back of her bike, and then she would strap in my dad on his bike by duct taping his paralyzed right hand and right foot to his bike.

When I got to elementary school, I knew my dad spoke differently than others, and that he walked slower, but I also knew he was always there to pick me up from school and he always wanted to hear about my day. I will always cherish how interested he was in me, who I was becoming as a person, what I thought about anything and everything, what I liked, what I wanted to do, how I was feeling, and how proud he was of me, .

Over the years, his health has declined further, for different health reasons. Foot surgeries. Cancer. Old age. Now he doesn't even leave his room at my parents' house more than a couple of times a week.

This picture was taken during one of our last outings. My parents' house is wonderfully close to downtown Celebration, so walking down to the barber shop was no trouble at all. Nothing made my dad feel better the way a good haircut will do.

Now he's not able to go out to the barber shop.

Love you, Dad.

Taken on a Canon PowerShot SD700 IS.

Photo originally taken on October 25, 2006 in Celebration, Florida.

Photo posted on July 27, 2009.

Holidays = fireworks + food.

2009-07-05T23:12:00.002-04:00

I'm on a boat., originally uploaded by victoriashade.

Happy belated 4th of July, U.S.A. citizens (and anyone else who wants to celebrate it)! We kept it quiet by doing lunch with a friend and hanging out at the house. No fireworks, which is a-ok with us since the boy isn't much for crowds and I've seen enough Disney fireworks to make everything else pale in comparison.

This picture is actually from the 4th of July three years ago. Click here from a photo towards the beginning of the evening.

To get a good photo of fireworks, a tripod and a long exposure are the ideal. Well, I was on a boat, and I just had my little Canon point-and-shoot, so that was not happening.

This photo was taken toward the end of the Magic Kingdom's 4th of July fireworks show. Not only were the fireworks set off at the theme park, but they were also set off in the Seven Seas Lagoon in front of MK. It was for this reason that our boat was sitting in Bay Lake, behind the Contemporary and near Wilderness Lodge.

It was a beautiful show and great time spent with friend, but I admit (with bias) that I love IllumiNations more.